December Romeo
by Crescentium
Summary: Teddy and Sweetheart have just moved in their first apartment together and Christmas is closing in. Teddy feels so stressed out that he takes it out on Sweetheart, causing her to get upset and break up with him. Both find another shoulder to cry on...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Warning: this story contains very adult themes and coarse language. It is set in my Talesverse, which builds on canon MLP Tales but transforms the ponies into an anthropomorphic form and gives them very human lives. Note that this Talesverse is very different from the ponyverse where my main MLP fanfic work Dreaming the Rainbow is set in. This was originally written in the turn of 2008 and 2009, about a year ago, but the last chapter was only finished in January 2010 (due to a very stubborn boy pony who refused to tell me how he wanted his story to end). Since it is the first longer fanfiction story I have actually finished, I decided to post it here as well.

Enjoy!

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Chapter 1**

"Fine! Go! Like I need you!"

"Oh really?" Sweetheart was nearly in tears. This time he had hurt her so bad she felt like she was choking to her pain. The hurt translated into anger at his jab, worst she had ever heard from him. The retort was inevitable. "You couldn't make through a day without me!"

Teddy glared at his girlfriend. "Fuck you. I don't need anyone!" he snapped. "And if I'm so useless, then maybe you should find someone else!" He had meant to say more, but he never got the chance. Sweetheart had heard enough.

"Fine!" she cried, tears streaming down her face. "I guess I will. It's over!" She stared at him with wide eyes, shocked at her own words. She had never expected to hear them, never expected to have them escape her lips. She almost regretted, but when she saw his expression, the downright evil snarl on his lips, she knew that this was not the Teddy she knew. This was not the same Teddy who had held her tight and whispered to her she was the only thing in his life that made any sense. This was not the Teddy who had told her he couldn't breathe without her.

Crying, Sweetheart turned and started to run toward the door. It was only at seeing her departing back that it hit Teddy that she was actually leaving. She had never done that before. She had always stuck with him, no matter what he did. No matter what he said. She had always patiently hugged him and told him she knew he hadn't meant it. It had never occurred to him she might actually leave. Numbly he watched as the door opened and her pink curls bounced one last time as she struggled to put her shoes and jacket on.

_Sweetheart..._ He thought he had said it aloud, but his throat was too dry and nothing would come out. His legs were stuck to the spot. He wanted to tell her he hadn't meant it. He never meant it. But the door slammed shut and she was gone.

Sweetheart made it down the stairs and out of the door. There the cold night air hit her lungs and she stopped, gasping. As she stood, she felt like the lit windows of the apartment were following her every move. She imagined in her mind Teddy there. He would have run to the window and was watching, and as soon as she saw that lost look on his face, she would forgive him and go back, like she always did. She stood for a moment, the desire to want to forgive him battling her hurt feelings. Then she told herself that she owed him at least the chance.

But when Sweetheart turned, she could see no one up at the window. The absence of the face she had expected to see was like a blow to the gut. She turned and started running again, her feet carrying her faster and faster, her heart irrationally telling her that if she ran like the wind, she could escape the pain.

By the time Teddy got to the window, she had already disappeared round the corner. All he could see were the footprints in the fresh white snow, leading from the door into the darkness. Anger washed away like dirt from his face. That's what it had been in the first place, he thought. Shit that filled his heart. Shit... he was full of it, wasn't he? Suddenly he couldn't even remember what they had argued about. She had wanted to know something he didn't want to tell her. Wasn't that always the case? She wanted something from him he couldn't give her. He couldn't be what she needed, and he'd always known that, hadn't he? Just like his father had always told him, she'd eventually leave him for someone better. He had been fooling himself in thinking he could make her happy. She had always seemed to find a Romeo in him, she had wanted to play balcony scenes, but he wondered that she had never realised that in the end, it was Romeo's imperfection that killed Juliet. Wouldn't he have killed her, in the end? Wasn't it better that she was gone? She'd find someone else, someone who could take care of her the way she deserved. Someone who wouldn't yell at her just because she wanted to love him.

Teddy didn't even notice falling against the wall and sliding down on his knees, hanging his head down. He remembered how much it had hurt when his father had beaten him up for the last time, but this felt worse. There was not a scrape on his body, and that made it all feel worse. Physical pain was so much easier to deal with. Something inside, it just made you want to tear out your heart to make it stop hurting. But it wouldn't stop, would it? It never stopped. And now he'd driven out the only one who had ever made it feel better.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart..." Teddy whispered, her name ending in a whimper. He heard it, and it made him feel worse. Real men don't cry, his father always told him. Men take the pain and swallow it and make something out of it, men transform pain into other things, into energy, they don't fall apart or run away like women do. Men deal with it and shrug, men are strong. Right?

Teddy grit his teeth and slammed his fist into the wall so hard it hurt. "Fuck." He breathed hard, gasped for breath. He felt like something was breaking inside him and he had no other response but anger. "Fuck!"

He threw himself up and ended up hurling his body all over the little coffee table Sweetheart had bought last week. There was a noise, the vase shattered, Teddy only realised it when he fell over the table and hurt his hand on the shards. The physical pain sent a rush through his body, it was like a drug, adrenaline made him feel hot and alert, and even more angry, everything became a blur in his mind as he stared at the broken glass on the floor. Sweetheart had loved that vase. Just like she had loved him. He ended up destroying everything she loved, didn't he?

"You're a fucking loser," Teddy told himself, his breath coming out hard and fast as he clambered over the glass shards. More wounds in his hands and knees but he didn't even notice. The blood felt warm against his cold skin. He made it through the room back to the front door. He didn't even bother with his jacket and he noticed missing his shoes only when he was already outside. "Fucking loser," he told himself again. "You'll catch your death." But the idea didn't really sound that bad at that moment. He started walking, wading through the ankle-deep snow, following the trail Sweetheart had left. His feet were freezing within seconds but the sting only fuelled his determination. He needed to find her. It didn't even matter that her foot prints soon became mingled into a mess of other foot prints and it was impossible to tell which ones were hers. He simply kept moving on into a randomly chosen direction, hoping to catch her trail again.

He'd gone on for several minutes before he started freezing so bad that his head cleared a little. Teddy slowed and finally stopped, staring at the ground, realising that he had probably lost her trail already. He stood in the snow, his socks wet through, his feet numb. He wrapped his arms around his body for warmth, shivering. He felt stupid. What was he doing? Freezing his ass off, that's for sure. But for what? Teddy tried to remember if he'd even shut the door. He remembered a slam. Yes, the door was closed. At least Sweetheart's stuff was safe. He tried his pockets. Of course he didn't have the key with him.

"Fuck," Teddy said as the tears burned his eyes again. He rubbed his eyes with his shaking hands and got snow on his face. It went down his collar and made him shake even worse. He didn't even realise he smeared his face with blood as well. "Fuck."

What was he going to do? He was shuddering so bad he thought he might die right there. His eyes scanned the darkness. Snow reflected the glow of the street lights. He realised it was snowing. White specks flashed as they twirled and floated gently to the ground. It was as silent as it would get in that neighbourhood. There was the occasional hum of a car engine in the distance, but none passed through this road, none had in a while, he could tell from the snow that lay untouched on the street. His consciousness was filled with the rows of lit windows on both sides of the street, like eyes on the silent faces of the houses. Teddy knew there were happy people on the other side of those eyes. Suddenly he felt so angry at the imaginary happy people that he picked up a stone and threw it at the windows. His aim was completely off. There was a clirr and then the loud noise of a car alarm.

"Shit." Teddy started running, but it was slippery and he was frozen half to death. Slipping and sliding, he fell on his hands and knees. The open wounds hurt so much he let out an involuntary cry. Then there were the sirens, and he cursed again. Just his luck that the police car would happen to patrol so close.

Two strong men grabbed him and threw him against the car, but at this point he was beyond caring. He stood quietly, his face against the cold metal as they poked at him and asked him what he was doing there and then proceeded to reading him his rights. Most of what happened after that was nothing but a buzz in his head. He was pretty sure he pleaded not guilty, but it didn't really matter. Someone had seen him. He looked like he was on drugs. They'd better take him to jail.

Whatever. Where else would he go for the night? He had no key, he couldn't go home. He couldn't go to any of his friends, because he didn't want them to see him like this. At that moment he felt like he would rather freeze to death than lose what was left of his pride. And even if he would have chosen to bother someone, who would it be? He and Sweetheart had the same friends. She might have gone to any one of them. And even though he had left out to find her, he realised it was a stupid idea. She needed her space. He should stay away from her. Preferrably forever. Besides, she'd broken up with him, hadn't she? She'd said it was over. He should take the hint. She'd finally got to her senses.

So Teddy let himself be taken away by the police. He didn't really care anymore. A night in jail was better than he deserved, anyway.

"Fucking loser," he muttered under his breath. The police officer thought Teddy was talking to him and smacked him across the face. He didn't care. Nothing mattered now that he'd lost Sweetheart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sweetheart ran until the cold air was beginning to burn in her lungs so bad that she thought she might die. She stumbled to a halt and pulled her jacket tighter around her body. Shivering, she turned a little on her heels, looking behind her. Some part of her expected Teddy to come rushing out of the shadows, calling out her name. But there was no one there. No voice in the darkness.

Who was it that said love conquers all? Sweetheart wiped tears from her face into her furry glove. If this was one of the romantic movies she loved so much, there would have been dramatic music and then she and Teddy would have found each other in the snow and sworn eternal love and devotion. But it wasn't a movie. It was far from a movie. In movies, everything always happened at just the right time. This was real life.

In real life, Teddy would miss his mark at the window. In real life, he'd never find her footsteps. Sweetheart wiped her face again. She was being stupid. What was she thinking? Just because he didn't show up at the window, she figured he didn't love her anymore? And what had all the arguing been about, again? She was pushing him too hard. She should know better. It was all her fault.

"Teddy..." she whispered and covered her mouth with her glove. "Oh, Sweetheart, you silly cow." She started back toward the apartment. She would have run but her lungs were burning as it was, so she had to be content with struggling through the snow at a fast walking speed. Her legs were shaking. All she could think about was Teddy, who must have thought she was leaving him forever. How could she have said something so stupid? It didn't matter how much he'd hurt her, it could never matter. All that mattered was their love. Isn't that what she'd sworn to him?

Sweetheart passed the place where there was a group of people gathered round a parked car. One window of the car was broken. She worried there might have been some crime committed. She could even detect some blood stains on the snow. Violence made her uncomfortable and nervous, especially after the fight she and Teddy had just had. She started walking faster.

The apartment was lit, she could see the light in the windows. She hoped Teddy was still home. Her step slowed as she approached the door, she started to hesitate. What if he was still upset? He had never yelled to her like he had this time. Would he do worse? Like his father had? But immediately she reproached herself. Stupid girl. How could she think the worst of Teddy like this?

Sweetheart walked up the stairs to the apartment door and fit the key into the lock. She opened the door carefully, calling his name as she peeked her head in. When there was no answer, she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She noticed his shoes and jacket were still there and now started to worry. Was it possible he had dug out some other pair of shoes and a different jacket? And if he was still inside, why didn't he answer?

She got so worried she didn't even bother to take off her shoes as she ran inside. When she got to the combined living room and kitchen, she stopped and stared. The coffee table was toppled over and her favourite vase was shattered on the floor. The dried flowers she had prepared last summer were scattered on the floor, half of them crumbled to bits. Sweetheart's eyes welled up with tears. Why had Teddy trashed her vase and flowers like that?

Suddenly she hoped he wasn't inside anymore. She wasn't sure if she could deal with what she might find. Still, she forced herself to go through the entire apartment--only to find there was no trace of Teddy anywhere. She couldn't help but be relieved. If Teddy was feeling violent, it was better he was off somewhere. The thought was making her hysterical. Teddy was the one person she had always felt safe with, and now that feeling of security had been shaken badly.

She couldn't stay in that apartment. What if he came back? She didn't know what she'd say, and she didn't know what he'd do. She needed to get out, away. Without really thinking, she dug out her cell phone and picked a number. Dial tone beeped in her ears for a while, then the familiar calm voice answered.

"Hey, Sweetheart." Lancer sounded happy. "What's up?"

It was hard for her to hold her tears in. "Hi Lancer. Could you come pick me up, please?"

Now Lancer sounded worried. "What's wrong?"

"Just... just come pick me up, please." She didn't want to explain, not on the phone.

"Okay. Just tell me where you are."

"Home," she said, though she didn't really feel like it was true. This wasn't her home, not this place with the broken vase and the smashed flowers. Not with all the anger and the pain.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Sweetheart was grateful when Lancer didn't ask anything about Teddy.

"Thanks, Lancer," she whispered. Then she looked around. She needed to take a few things. She wasn't sure when she'd be able to return. She picked up her bag and collected a few clothes, her toothbrush and a couple of her most precious ornaments. At the back of her mind was the worry he might come back and trash the rest of the place.

When she was done, she went outside and stood at the door, watching the curb through the glass door, waiting for Lancer to show up. As soon as she saw his car pulling in she rushed outside and was beside the car before he'd had the chance to really park.

"Let's go," she told him as soon as she'd got in, slamming the door shut. Lancer looked at her, then took a look back at the apartment building.

"What about..."

"Just drive!" Sweetheart's voice was uncharacteristically high-pitched, almost a shriek. Lancer shut his mouth tight and turned on the engine again. He didn't say anything as he pulled back on the street and started driving. Only after a moment's silence, when the lights of the street lamps were beginning to rush past quicker, Sweetheart talked. She was staring out of the window, her fluffy winter coat drawn up to her ears, her voice silent. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell at you."

He could hear the tears in her voice. Automatically he reached over and opened the glove compartment. There was a pack of napkins. She smiled a little as she pulled one out and started to dry her eyes. He was always prepared, wasn't he? Like a boy scout. She bet he'd been the best boy scout ever.

"It's okay, Sweetheart," Lancer said gently. He paused for a while. "You don't have to tell me anything... but I'm worried about you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him, but she felt stupid in calling him and asking him to pick her up and then not explaining anything. She sniffed a little. "It's Teddy." She couldn't get anything more out of her mouth.

Lancer glanced at her sideways. "It's Teddy, meaning, Teddy has a problem, or Teddy _is_ a problem?"

Sweetheart swallowed a few tears. "We had a huge fight." She wiped her eyes and tried not to burst in tears. "I told him it's over, and he trashed my vase."

"He did?" Lancer was surprised, and it showed. He had never thought Teddy might do something like that to Sweetheart's things. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart."

Sweetheart bit her trembling lip. "I don't really know what happened," she said in the middle of her snuffling. "We were arguing... he was yelling at me, he's never yelled like that before. And then he said he didn't need me and told me I might as well go, and I got so upset and I told him it was over and left." She wiped her eyes more. "When I went back, Teddy wasn't there anymore. He had turned over the coffee table I bought last week and broken the vase and stepped all over the dried flowers and... I couldn't stay there." She started crying again.

Knowing what a sensitive soul Sweetheart was, Lancer understood that the seemingly small event of a broken vase and squashed flowers could be extremely traumatic for her. Any kind of violence had always frightened her and signs of violence in her own home must have upset her deeply, especially when committed by someone she loved and trusted so completely.

"It'll be alright, Sweetheart," Lancer said, though he had no idea how he could possibly make it alright. "I'll take you to the manor. Don't worry about any of it right now. It'll be okay."

Sweetheart said nothing. She didn't believe him.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Ace's last name in my Talesverse is Cronstedt, and to cut long story short, his father used to be a police officer. Ace's father's career ended in him getting a bullet through the hip, so he retired early.

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Chapter 3**

Teddy sat through the interrogation in complete silence. He was asked a lot of questions; he refused them all. It didn't feel like it really mattered what happened. They wouldn't believe him anyway. The police were talking about drugs and kept using the word illegal in various contexts. In his state of mind, Teddy couldn't really keep up with what they were telling him. He caught the main point. He'd stay over night unless someone bailed him out. He figured it was just as well. At least he'd have somewhere to sleep.

When it came time for the phone call, he stood in front of the apparatus, staring at it numbly. The officer kept telling him if he didn't pick up the phone soon, he'd have to wait until morning to make the call. But who was he going to call? He didn't want anyone seeing him like this. He shivered a little and curled his toes inside the wet socks. The only thing he hoped was that he'd get something warm to wear. Otherwise, he wasn't sure if he really cared about his constitutional rights. It was nice that they'd taken care of his wounds, though he still wondered about all the blood. He'd never even noticed being hurt.

Then it occurred to him that even if he'd stay in jail overnight, he had no idea of what he'd do the next morning. Assuming they let him go, he still didn't have his key. He didn't think for a moment the police would provide him with shoes, let alone a jacket. Like it or not, he needed help.

Reluctantly he picked up the phone and then stared at the dial for a moment longer. There were only two phone numbers he remembered by heart. He couldn't call Sweetheart. That left him with only one option. Swallowing, Teddy chose the number. He hoped Ace had his cell on.

After a moment of waiting, Ace's voice answered. It sounded a little groggy. "Listen, whoever you are, I don't know how you got the number, but unless you're a really gorgeous girl, I'm hanging up."

"Ace. It's me, Teddy."

"Oh." Ace sounded uninterested. "Well, the last I checked you weren't a girl, so..."

"Don't you fucker hang up on me!" Teddy erupted.

There was a brief, shocked silence on the other end. Ace's voice sounded less groggy and more cautious when he spoke again. "Sorry, Teddy. What's wrong?"

Teddy tried to calm down. There was no point yelling at Ace. "Look, this isn't a joke. I'm at the police station."

"Fuck, Teddy, why?"

"I broke a car window. They think I was trying to steal it."

"Shit, why did you--never mind. I'll be right there."

"Great. Thanks." He stared down with his brows knit. "Listen, can you do me a favour? When you come, could you bring me a pair of shoes?"

"What?" Ace sounded confused, then amused. "The police took your shoes? Are you sure this isn't a joke?"

"Fuck you, Ace. The police didn't take my shoes, I... forget it. Just bring me shoes, okay."

"Okay, okay." Ace sounded worried. "It's gonna take me a while to get there. You gonna hang on, Ted?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Don't worry." The police officer was signalling that his time was up. "Look, I gotta go. Bye." Without waiting for reply from Ace, Teddy hung up. Looking at the police officer, it suddenly hit Teddy that Ace's father had been in the force back in the time, before getting a bullet in his hip. Teddy was tempted to bring it up and tell the officer that she'd be sorry if she didn't treat him nice. But he didn't dare. Ace's father hated him almost as much as his own did.

The officer took him to the brig. Teddy continued to shiver as he was taken past several cells. He could feel the stares of the other prisoners on him. The deeper he was taken into the cell block, the more he started to freak out. What had he been thinking? Was he crazy? A night in the brig, had he really thought he would just waltz through it? His father had been in jail. You went crazy in jail. And besides, he'd be put in with criminals. He knew what criminals were like. He'd spent his entire life in trying to struggle out of that crowd. He supposed he should have known better. This was where he'd end up, wasn't it? Just like his father...

Thoughts of his father didn't really help his nerves at all. Teddy tried to stop thinking about it. Tried to stop thinking about the eyes that followed his every step. It took forever until the officer stopped.

"In here." She unlocked the cell door and held it open for him. He stared at it for a while. It was like from a movie. The cell wall was made out of bars, it looked cold and metallic inside. There were two uncomfortable-looking bunks stacked up on top of each other on both sides. Someone was lying under a blanket on the right top bunk. "I'll bring you a blanket," the officer said. She was looking at Teddy with compassion.

"Thanks." It was the first time Teddy spoke to any one of the police officers since he'd been brought in. He glanced at the officer from under his brows but said nothing more before walking inside. He heard the officer close and lock the door behind him. For a while he stood staring at the occupied bunk. His insides were churning. Images of all kinds of murderers and sex offenders flashed through his mind.

"So, what's your pleasure?" came a voice. It was harsh and unfriendly, and clearly belonged to a large man. A hairy head looked down, piercing green eyes staring right into Teddy. Teddy's mind was screaming red alert and he felt light-headed.

"P-pleasure?" he asked, his mind going into groping hands and ugly swollen body parts. He felt so sick he had to take support from the bars behind him in order to stay on his feet.

The bearded face twisted and it took a moment from Teddy to realise it was a grin.

"Yeah. Your crime. What's ya in for?"

"Oh." Teddy didn't dare to relax though the misinterpretation came clear to him now. "They think I was trying to steal a car."

The man let out an understanding grunt and hoisted his legs out of the bunk, coming down on the floor with an impressive thud. He was monstrous! Teddy goggled at him in complete astonishment as he made it through the cell until the man stood right in front of him. He felt his knees went weak with fear. He could never beat this man! Not without his knife. The huge man raised his hand, oh no, this was it, Teddy thought, he was a goner...

"Gopher." It took a while for Teddy to realise that there was an extended hand in front of him. Even longer it took from him to figure out it was an introduction.

"Eh." He took the hand carefully. "Teddy."

The huge man smiled and nodded. Then there was a silence and they both stood staring at each other. Teddy pulled his hand back as soon as the man released it. His every muscle was tense.

"Well, don't just stand there dripping," Gopher then said. "Get your clothes off."

"What?" Teddy managed the word but barely. He felt cold and hot at the same time. His fingers gripped the bars behind him and his eyes glazed over. In his mind he was screaming insults at the woman who had brought him there. Fuck her supposed niceness. She'd put him here to be this man's bitch! Dizzily he wondered how much Gopher was possibly paying her for delivering fresh game in his cell.

The man started grinning. "You'll catch your death in those wet clothes," he said. When Teddy just stared at him, he shook his head. "Oh, for... get over here." He grabbed Teddy's wrist and forced him to the bunks. He grabbed his blanket and pushed it to Teddy's face. "Here. Take off the wet clothes and wrap yourself in this. You'll warm up a little."

Teddy stared at the blanket stupidly. "Oh." Mechanically, he lifted his hands and took the blanket. "My jeans are dry, you know." Well, it wasn't really true, but his legs were by far the driest part of him. Besides, taking off his jeans in a jail cell with a fellow who was ten times his size would've looked like he was asking for it.

Gopher shrugged, giving him a strange look. "Whatever." He turned and climbed back up onto his own bunk.

And then Teddy was left standing, the blanket in his hands, staring at the man in confusion. It was beginning to dawn on him that Gopher was not, in fact, forcing himself on him. He was too beside himself to really think it over, so he blurted out, "You mean you're not going to touch me?"

The man leaned on one elbow and eyed him up and down. "I suppose I can do that too, if you're that desperate, but I'll have you know I have a wife back home, so you shouldn't get too involved."

Teddy's face went a deep shade of scarlet. He looked down, his fingers squeezing the blanket in his hands. He could tell when he was being made fun of, and he hated it. "Fuck you." It was an automatic response and he regretted it right away; not because the man had been nice to him but because he worried it might anger him. Before he could apologise, Gopher laughed.

"Relax, kid," he said as he settled on his back, his hands crossed under his head. "Don't think too much of yourself. You ain't pretty enough to turn me gay."

Teddy chose not to mention that many guys who fucked other guys in jail weren't really gay. "Sorry." He started to pull off his shirt. There was a silence in the cell while Teddy took off his shirt and socks and then climbed on the lower bunk. Still shivering, Teddy drew his knees close to his body and wrapped the blanket around him.

"Getting cozy?" It was the woman's voice from the door. Teddy looked and saw her standing there, a smile on her face. He swallowed and started to move, but Gopher got there before he did. The huge man jumped down again and went to the door. He grabbed the blanket and then came back. The woman was peering over at Teddy. "You all right there, kid?"

"Yeah." He wrapped the blanket more tightly around him and closed his eyes. He told himself Ace would be here soon. He had no idea where Ace might take him, but anywhere was better than here. Maybe if he begged, Ace's father might let him sleep over on Ace's rug.

"You got someone coming for you?" It was the man's voice again. Teddy opened his eyes and noticed the woman had left.

"Yeah," he answered. "I got someone coming."

Teddy didn't like the silence that fell. He tried to keep thinking about Ace, but it was hard. This place was freaking him out. The walls felt like they were a little closer every moment. He became aware of the weight of the man on the bunk above him. The bars in the window... no, he needed to think about something else. Normally, he would have concentrated on thoughts of Sweetheart at moments like this, but now that brought him pain too. He thought of the man on the top bunk again. He'd seem friendly. Maybe he'd dare to ask a few questions, keep his mind busy that way.

"So," he started, "what's your pleasure, then? Crime, I mean."

There was a short silence. "Much like yours. I broke in to an apartment, they thought I was trying to steal something."

"Oh. What were you doing with that apartment, then?"

"What were you, with that car?"

Teddy bit his lip. It took him a long while to decide if he wanted to answer at all. "I don't know. I was just pissed off." He wiped his face with one hand. "I was actually aiming at the apartment window behind the car."

"Tough luck." Gopher sounded amused. "If you hadn't missed, you'd be here for the same crime as I. Isn't that funny?"

Teddy didn't think so. Nothing felt funny to him right now. "Yeah. So, what were you doing breaking into someone's home?"

"It's my own home," Gopher answered, his voice quieter. "At least, it was. My wife threw me out."

Suddenly Teddy wasn't sure if he wanted to know anything more. It seemed this tale would only make him think about Sweetheart. He didn't want to know if Gopher had been breaking in to beat up his wife or to talk with her. It didn't matter. It was wrong to break into places. Though sometimes it was the only thing you could do. Teddy felt dizzy and nauseous.

"Hey, kid, you okay?" Teddy realised that Gopher was standing in front of him, staring at him with a concerned look. "You look a little green around the edges."

Teddy swallowed. "I'm okay." He wasn't, and it looked like Gopher could see that. The man sat down on his bunk and tried his forehead.

"Well, it doesn't seem like you've got fever." The man's eyes went on his bandaged hands. "You lost a lot of blood?"

"I'm okay," Teddy repeated, trying to move further from the man. He felt uncomfortable and disoriented. "I'm okay."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were claustrophobic."

_No shit?_ Teddy wiped his face with his hand. _Where the hell are you, Ace?_ "I'm okay. I'm okay."

Gopher gave him an odd look. "If you say so," he said, not sounding convinced. "You sure you wouldn't like a glass of water or something?"

"I'm okay." Teddy put his head in between his knees and crossed his arms over his head. "I'm okay."

If he kept telling himself that long enough, maybe it would become real. If he was home now, if none of tonight had happened, Sweetheart would be there, she would've put her arms around him and kissed him and told him it'd be all right, and he'd cried against her chest until he fell asleep.

"I'm okay." _Liar,_ he told himself. _You're a fucking loser and a liar to top it all._ If Gopher was saying something, he didn't hear it. The next thing he became aware of was a tight grip on his wrists and a familiar voice next to his ear.

"Teddy." Ace's voice snapped him back into reality. Teddy looked up and saw Ace's face, it looked worried, though it was hard to tell through the blur.

"Ace," he was gasping a little. "You're here. What did they put you in for?"

Ace was silent for a fraction of a second. Teddy's tear-streaked face looked so miserable, his words so confused, even crazy. He'd arrived to the police station ten minutes ago and quickly filled out the necessary paper work. As soon as the police heard that Cronstedt's son had come to fetch his friend, all the doors had been sprung open easily. Everyone still loved Ace, like they had loved him when he'd been a golden-haired child laughing and running after his father, before Anton had retired. When he insisted, they even let him accompany the police officer to the brig, to get Teddy personally. Now Ace was glad of it, because Teddy looked like he was a complete mess.

"I'm here to bail you out, remember?" Ace said gently. He sat on the bunk and took out the shoes he'd brought with him. "Here, put these on and I'll take you out. My car's just outside."

Teddy stared at the shoes. His head was starting to clear a little. He felt like an idiot and that made him angry. "Yeah, thanks." He grabbed the shoes and put them on with brisk, a little angry movements. Ace let him do it without a word. Once Teddy had got the shoes on, he pushed the blanket off his shoulders and grabbed his shirt, starting to pull it on. Ace opened his mouth to suggest he just take the blanket; Ace was sure the police would let him take it, he could bring it back or pay later or something. But he realised it would be pushing it right now. Teddy had never taken well to Ace's attempts to take care of him.

Once Teddy was done dressing up, Ace smiled. "Come on."

Teddy followed Ace in complete silence. He was trying to keep the nausea off his face. Disguising all his bad feelings into anger was the only defense he knew. He felt the tear tracks on his face and tried to wipe his face to his sleeve. It was useless. The wet fabric only spread the moisture evenly on his face.

When they got to the car, Teddy stopped and stared at it. Ace had a nice car and Teddy knew how particular his friend was about it. He looked at himself. His wet clothes were splattered with blood and dirt. Ace had rounded the car to the driver's side. He raised his brows at Teddy as he opened the door.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a little worried that Teddy might have been in such bad shape he was seeing things, or worse.

"Your car." Teddy swallowed and looked at himself. "I'll mess it up."

"Shit I care." Ace's voice was commanding. "Just get in, Teddy."

Teddy glanced at Ace one more time, but yielded. He was cold, wet and in every way so miserable he really did want to get inside. As soon as he was safely in the car, Ace got in as well and started up the engine.

"Put the seatbelt on." Ace was already attaching his own.

Teddy fumbled with the belt. It was hard to work the clasp with his bandaged hands, and after a moment Ace pushed his hands off and attached the belt. Flushed again, Teddy withdrew to the other end of the seat and looked outside. Ace watched him for a moment. Sensing that Teddy was not in condition to talk yet, the blond asked none of the questions that were squirming in his mind. They could talk later. Right now, he needed to get Teddy inside and into warm clothes.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: In my Talesverse, Ace has a twin brother named Ice. Ace has always been into football (=soccer) and his twin Ice has been into ice hockey. Their father is an ice hockey fan and would have wanted to become a hockey player himself, but his life took him elsewhere, for which he was always a little bitter. So when Ice favoured hockey, it made him the favourite boy to his father, and Ace got less attention. It's caused issues between the twins, and made Ace basically hate ice hockey, though he's trying not to, for his brother's sake. You need to know that to understand the relationship between Ace and Ice a bit better. :)

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* * *

Chapter 4**

"Hey, where are we going?" Teddy was looking out the window in confusion. He was only now realising that he hadn't actually told Ace where he wanted to go. They were driving through a nice neighbourhood, Teddy thought he hadn't been in that nice neighbourhood since he'd last visited Sweetheart's parents. This was downtown, though, and Sweetheart's parents lived in the suburb, one of those pretty houses with a white picket fence and a paved driveway. This was different. The houses were higher and he bet the apartments had a grand view over the city.

Ace glanced at his passenger. It looked like Teddy was beginning to be ready to talk. That was good. Ace didn't really like spending time prodding and begging for information. "I'm taking you to my brother's place," he provided. "Remember, he bought that apartment downtown two months back."

Teddy shifted a little. He remembered the apartment, all right. It was a nice condo with a great view and carpets on the hallways. "Yeah." He frowned. "You sure he won't mind us coming over?"

"He's not home." Ace looked at the road in front of him, not able to completely hide the dissatisfied tone in his voice. Ice was hardly ever home, and it bothered Ace more than he'd ever admit. They'd been really close when they were younger, but now it felt like they hardly even talked. Either they were both practicing, or Ice was on a trip somewhere, out of town, with his team. Ace travelled far less with his team, and that bothered him too.

"Oh, well..." Teddy wanted to argue, but he couldn't come up with a good excuse for why they couldn't go to Ice's place.

"You didn't want to go home, right?" Ace said, mostly to reassure himself that he'd guessed right. After all, Teddy would never have called him to pick him up if everything was all right with him and Sweetheart. He tried to lighten it with a smile. "And well, Sweetheart wouldn't want to see you like that. You look like you've crawled through cut glass on your hands and knees."

Teddy bit his lip and stared down, his cheeks suddenly flushed. Ace noticed it and raised his brows.

"Fuck, Teddy, what did you do?" He was worried now. "You didn't try to..." He stopped before he got any farther. He didn't want to talk about suicide with Teddy. It'd always felt like to him that Teddy hung on the edge, and anything could push him over.

"I fell on some shards, look it doesn't matter." Teddy frowned and stared down, picking at the knee of his jeans. "You sure Ice won't mind?"

"He won't even notice." Ace shrugged. He could tell when Teddy didn't want to talk. "He won't be back until day before Christmas Eve. Those fuckers schedulled a game right before Christmas, can you believe it? My team would never do that, no football team would. Ice hockey's such a stupid sport compared to football."

Teddy smiled a bit as he glanced at Ace but he didn't say anything. Ace's arguments against ice hockey weren't always entirely fair or logical. Teddy usually just let him talk whatever he wanted. Teddy wasn't very good at football, actually he liked ice hockey more. He wasn't that much better at ice hockey, either, but he had always thought it fun to skate around the ring and shove other people around. His favourite part was when you got to really hit the puck, though he always tended to get carried away and hit the puck so hard it became a deadly missile, destroying everything in its path.

Ace pulled in front of the building and got out of the car. The janitor greeted them with a wave of his hand as they passed him. A few times it had happened that the man had mistaken him for his brother, but those occasions were rarer these days. Teddy could feel the janitor's eyes on him as they went into the elevator. He hated it. He was certain it was because he looked so out of place here. Part of him wanted to yell at the man and ask him what the hell he was staring at. But they were in Ace's brother's home, so he held his tongue.

The boys didn't talk much as they went inside. Ace told Teddy to drop his shoes at the door and considered his best friend for a moment. "You need a bath," he then said.

Teddy gave a grunt. "Shove off."

"No, really. You need a bath, and not just because you look like you crawled out of a gutter. It'll warm you up."

"So will a blanket." Teddy was irritable and put his hands in his pockets. He wasn't sure why he was fighting this; he knew Ace would get his way in the end.

"You think I'd give you a nice clean blanket when you look like that? I'll go ahead and pour the water," Ace said as though he never heard any arguments. He was already on his way across the room toward what Teddy presumed was the door to the bathroom. Reluctantly Teddy walked behind him, looking at the place. He'd been there before, when Ice had thrown a housewarming party. It wasn't a big place, but it was comfortable. The living room and kitchen were adjoined, with a door to bedroom and another to bathroom. He remembered that there was a walk-in closet in the bedroom, and of course there was the balcony. Teddy walked to the balcony door. He remembered fooling around on the balcony with Ace during the housewarming party and nearly falling down. He'd told Sweetheart that he'd get them an apartment just like this one day.

Then Teddy turned back toward the living room and saw the footprints he'd left on the floor. They were a strange mixture of dirty water and blood. "Shit," he said. He really needed to change his clothes. He made it carefully through the room to the bathroom door, making sure not to step on any rugs. "Hey, Ace... your brother got any clothes I could borrow?"

Ace looked up and smiled gently. He was sitting on the edge of the tub, testing the water with one hand. How typical, yet silly, of Teddy to ask that question. "Of course. I'll get you some." He gave an encouraging nod. "Take off your clothes, Ted. The bath's nearly ready."

Teddy froze. He wasn't sure what it was about Ace's words, was it the words themselves or the fact that it was a male voice saying them, whatever it was it triggered a deep sense of dread inside him, like a memory he'd struggled to forget. He knew he didn't even want to remember.

"Teddy?" Ace had noticed the look on Teddy's face. Worried, he stood up and came closer, but to his surprise Teddy bolted, blindly jumping away. He hit his back on the wall and made a little sound that could only be classified as a whimper. Ace stared, for a moment completely dumbstruck. Teddy had never behaved like this with him. "Teddy, calm down, it's just me, what's wrong?"

Teddy pressed his hands to both sides of his head. He was trying to focus on Ace's voice and the awareness of his presence, but it was hard. He kept hearing another voice, his heart was racing, it felt like he could barely breathe, he would collapse and he felt so stupid he just wanted to cry.

After a moment's hesitation Ace decided to try approaching Teddy again. He stepped toward him carefully, his hands outstretched, and this time Teddy managed to stand still. Encouraged by the success, Ace put his other arm around his friend and grabbed one of Teddy's hands. He didn't really know what to say, so he chose silence as he pulled Teddy close and into his arms.

Teddy was shaking as he fought with himself, fought with the urge to bolt again. Ace's arms did not feel comforting at first. He couldn't get over the fact that it was a male body pressed against him. That was wrong. Wrong. He didn't want that, it was wrong. But he kept reminding himself that this was Ace, and that Ace was the only one he had right now. He was all he had. Ace had to do.

It took the better part of a half an hour before Teddy felt secure enough to lift his head a little and glance up at Ace. "I'm okay," he said, looking back down before he'd even caught a decent glimpse of Ace's expression. "I'm okay."

Ace let Teddy go, albeit a tiny bit reluctantly. He liked holding Teddy, always had. The other boy's vulnerability brought out his better part, so he liked to think, anyway. Teddy looked up again as he stepped back and he thought he read confusion in Ace's eyes. He realised he had to make an explanation, but he didn't really know how. Eventually, when the silence drew on, Ace realised Teddy wasn't going to speak.

"Well," Ace said, attempting a joking tone, "you can't take a bath with your clothes on, though. Look, why don't you get in the tub and I'll go get you some clothes, okay?"

Teddy felt relief at this suggestion and nodded. It wasn't as though this was the first time he was getting undressed in Ace's presence, but this was different. He was in a fragile state of mind and the exprience of the jail was still fresh in his mind. As soon as Ace was out of the door, he slipped out of the wet dirty clothes and quickly slid into the tub. The water was warm and felt wonderful on his cool skin. He closed his eyes and gave a little sigh.

"Feeling better?"

Teddy jumped a little and splashed involuntarily. Ace was smiling to him from the door, but Teddy frowned. He grabbed some water to his fist and threw it at the blond. "Quit scaring me, jerk."

"It's not as if it's my fault if you're jumpy." Ace came inside and put a folded pile of clothes on a stool. Teddy tried not to feel the sting of his words, but it was hard to get back to liberal joking after his earlier display.

Teddy looked down and put both his hands in the water, hiding his midsection with them. That was dumb. As if Ace was looking. He pulled his hands up above water and placed them on the tub ring again. He felt like an idiot about the whole thing. He had to say something.

"I'm sorry you saw that. Sweetheart always took care of this," Teddy said. "She always used to be there for me when this happened."

Now Ace was genuinely confused. "You mean this happened before?"

"Loads of times." Teddy was clearly uncomfortable and kept looking away. "Since school."

"You never told me." Ace couldn't help but feel hurt. His friend was suffering of some kind of a problem he'd never heard about.

"I tried." Seeing Ace's confusion, Teddy got a little defensive. What right did Ace have to criticize him, anyway? It was Ace who'd never been there for him. "Remember that day at the amusement park? You wanted to go in the Super Twister and I refused."

Ace nodded, frowning. "You blew a fuse at me."

"Yeah, that's because you didn't listen," Teddy said, looking away. "I was trying to tell you, I couldn't go to the damn ride because..." He shrugged uncomfortably, giving a few confusing gestures with his hands. He hoped Ace would understand. He didn't want to elaborate. He didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to pretend this sort of thing didn't happen. Ever.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Teddy." Ace felt genuinely bad, not to mention stupid. He should have realised something was wrong with Teddy. He'd stormed off in a rage when Ace started to tease him about being afraid of trying the Super Twister. He'd been confused but figured Teddy just needed to take his frustration out on something. It happened all the time and once they'd got older, Ace never thought of it as anything more than friendly banter. Apparently, it had been much more to Teddy.

"Yeah. Whatever. It's okay." Teddy looked so forbidding that Ace realised he shouldn't push it more right now. He knew that look. He wouldn't get anything more out of Teddy. It frustrated Ace, but what frustrated him even more was to hear that Sweetheart had been the one to handle all this. How could that dainty little flower be able to take care of Teddy if he couldn't? That was absurd. She wasn't cut out for shit like that. She'd run out on him, hadn't she? That was Ace's guess, anyway.

Apparently, Teddy's thoughts had been occupied in thinking about Sweetheart as well. Still, his words took Ace by surprise.

"Maybe she's with someone else?"

Ace gave a laugh, it was instinctive. "Who's she gonna be with?" He really thought the idea ridiculous. Ace couldn't understand who would want a girl like Sweetheart. He'd never even understood what Teddy saw in her, other than that she was pretty. "Come on, it's Sweetheart we're talking about." He'd meant it in a mean way, but he knew Teddy would never take it like that. He'd think Ace was talking about Sweetheart's neverending loyalty.

"Yeah. But she broke up with me."

This shocked Ace. He stared at Teddy's miserable face. Teddy and Sweetheart were like a fixture. He'd lost hope of them breaking up years ago. He might've said something, but he just couldn't come up with words. It was surreal. Meanwhile, Teddy went on.

"There's gotta be loads of guys who'd love to have her. Like..." Teddy searched out for a name, then grabbed the first one that came to his mind. "Lancer. I know he's loved her since we were kids. You know, always..."

Ace didn't buy that for a second, but that was only because he understood Lancer's relationship with Sweetheart. It was as platonic as you got. "Don't be stupid. He's with Bee, you know that."

"He's only with her 'cause she was the next best thing to Sweetheart. I know it. And his parents approve, I think... I think they never approved of Sweetheart. But he'd be so much better for her, you know, he'd take care of her."

It was beginning to really dawn on Ace that it was real. Sweetheart and Teddy had broken up. This was his shot. The chance he'd been waiting for. Whatever he did, he wouldn't speak for Sweetheart. "Well, you know if she'll choose him over you, it'll just show what an ass she is."

That hurt. For a moment, Teddy was so shocked and angry that he could hardly even speak. "Don't... don't you..." Teddy found it hard to talk, but he wasn't sure if it was anger or hurt, or perhaps a side effect of his confused state of mind. Maybe it was a little bit of everything. "Don't you talk like that about her."

"Well I'm sorry," Ace said harshly, "I'm sorry for thinking she's making a big mistake in dumping you." He stared at Teddy. It was time to deliver the final blow. Sometimes you had to break people to fix them. "And really, if she loved you so much, would she walk out on you when you need her most?"

"Shut up."

"Okay, fine." Ace shrugged. "I've said my piece. Let's talk about something else."

Teddy didn't say anything. He didn't like what Ace was saying, but it stuck with him. Stuck like a nasty smell. She had gone, hadn't she? She wasn't here. Why had she gone? He wished he understood. But he didn't. He was too confused and too hurt, and Ace's words hurt him even more, though he wasn't even sure why. They weren't meant that way. Ace only wanted to take care of him, like always. Ace always wanted to take care of him. Part of him wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave him alone, but that wasn't fair. It wasn't as if Ace hated Sweetheart, Teddy thought. Ace was just upset because Sweetheart had hurt his best friend. Yes, that was it. Teddy felt a little better about it. He looked at Ace with a bit of a smile.

"You've always stood up for me," he said quietly. "Thanks."

Ace smiled, pleased that Teddy's mind had taken him just where he'd wanted him to go. He came to sit on the tub ring and ruffled Teddy's hair, giving him a good scratch behind the ears he knew Teddy secretly enjoyed. "Hey, what are best friends for?"

Teddy gave a tired smile and leaned his head on Ace's knee, not really noticing doing so before he'd already done it. And then it didn't feel so bad anymore. It wasn't like it was the first time ever. Ace had always liked playing with his hair and made Teddy lay with his head on the blond's lap just for that purpose. Ace had said he liked how the Mohawk sprang back up after he flattened it.

Noticing that Teddy felt calmer, Ace's fingers started to run through the other boy's hair almost instinctively. Teddy's smile deepened and suddenly he wondered why he'd ever been upset with Ace in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Teddy had closed his eyes and was resting against the tub wall with his head in Ace's lap so peacefully that Ace was convinced he'd fallen asleep. Ace had purposefully washed his best friend's back slowly, massaging him a little as he went along, to make him relax. He was happy to notice Teddy was allowing this; when he'd bolted earlier Ace had been worried Teddy might not let him anywhere near him.

The incident bothered Ace. He had never seen Teddy as someone who would suffer from a panic disorder, whatever its cause. Yet, he knew Teddy would not have behaved like that had it not been real. It stung to know that he'd never seen it. Stung even more that Teddy had tried to tell him and he hadn't listened. Why hadn't he listened? He took pride in always being the smart one, the one who understood Teddy better than anyone else. He did, not Sweetheart. That's what he'd always convinced himself of. And now... Ace didn't know what to think.

His fingers stroked Teddy's hair absently as his eyes traced the arch of his shoulder to the well trained muscles under the blue fur. He had always known that underneath that tough, hard exterior, Teddy wasn't as strong as he liked to pretend. But this was still something unexpected. Something he didn't know how to deal with. It bothered him further that Sweetheart had been the one to be there for Teddy. Ace had never liked Sweetheart. The first moment they had met he'd thought she was a silly little girl. In his mind, she'd never become anything else. He was the first to admit that he'd always been jealous to Sweetheart for her closeness with Teddy. She'd got through his defenses somehow, she'd got to the places Ace would never even find out existed.

Until now. She'd left him. It was almost too good to be true. Very out of character, too. Ace suspected it wasn't entirely right. That Teddy had got it wrong, somehow, that she had just got upset with something and he thought she had left for good.

"The water's getting cold."

Ace was startled from his thoughts by Teddy's voice. He smiled a bit as he looked at his best friend. "I thought you were asleep."

Teddy lifted his head and, quite without meaning to, yawned. He let out a grunt. "Well, I very nearly was." Truth be told, he had drifted off for a little moment. The warm bath had relaxed him and Ace's comforting presence had helped to soothe him. He stifled another yawn and looked at Ace. "Hey... thanks for doing this for me."

Ace smiled. "You don't need to thank me." He laughed. "But you're welcome. Now, let's get you out of that tub and into bed. You need some sleep."

Teddy's face went serious. "Yeah." He looked away. He had felt good while he'd been held by Ace, reminiscent of the multitudes of times he'd slept like that with his head cradled in Sweetheart's arms. Nights like these, he'd never been able to sleep if she wasn't holding him. And now she wasn't here. Maybe she'd never be there for him again.

Ace caught Teddy's changing expression. He knew he'd hit a sore, somehow. He frowned, wondering if there was an issue with sleeping he didn't know about.

"Hey, look, you don't need to take the couch if that's what you're thinking," he said, forcing out a light tone and a confident smile. He was certain this wasn't what Teddy was concerned with, but it would offer Teddy an escape if he didn't want to elaborate on the real problem. "I can crash there." He gave a smirk, deciding to make light of it. "Or we can sleep in the bed together, like when we were kids, remember?"

Teddy was surprisingly serious when he looked at Ace. "For real?"

"Sure." Ace's smile was washed away when he realised just how serious Teddy was. "Hey, sure. Yeah. If you like."

Teddy swallowed and looked away. He realised only when Ace's expression changed that the suggestion had been meant as a joke. He felt stupid and embarrassed and his ears burned. Ace saw it.

"If you dare," Ace said, continuing talking as though he'd never paused, the smile back on his face and joke to his tone. "If you're not afraid I'm going to molest you in your sleep or something."

They joked like this about Ace's preference to sleep with boys as well as girls all the time, and Ace didn't really anticipate any problems with drawing on that joke, hoping to invoke Teddy's sense of humour. When Teddy stared at him for a few moments in complete silence Ace's stomach lurched--maybe it was too soon for jokes, maybe it was wrong kind of joke, maybe...

But then Teddy was smiling, though a bit faintly. "As if I'd let you," he said. "If anyone's going to do any molesting on anyone, it'll be me on you."

"Oh really?" Ace was grinning, relieved that Teddy had picked the joke up. "I'd like to see you try!"

"I bet you would, you fag." Teddy smirked. "You'd just love to get mine up your ass, wouldn't you?"

"You fucker." Ace laughed, though inside some part of him was asking if some part of Teddy was serious after all. Teddy had always let Ace closer than any other male, he had even accepted Ace's intrusive bodily contact in a way he'd never allowed for any other male. Ace had convinced himself it meant that inside, Teddy liked him, probably more than he was aware of. Ace grinned at Teddy. "I'll have you know that whenever I have sex, it's me who does the fucking, and if you want me you'll have to deal with that."

"Oh yeah?" Teddy gave him an evil smirk and grabbed Ace from the waist, pulling him down into the tub with him, back first. Ace was so surprised of the attack that he'd already splashed in the water before he had the time to react. Teddy held him down against the tub, laughing as he started to tickle Ace from the sides, knowing he'd be putty in his hands after that. "Shit you fuck anyone, pretty boy. I'll bet Starlight rides you cowboy style every time too."

Ace yelped when Teddy started tickling him. He hated that Teddy had found out his weak spot one summer, completely by accident. Ever since he'd used it against Ace in the most uncomfortable situations. This was one of them. Ace struggled, splashing water on Teddy's face.

"Shit, Teddy, stop it! Stop it, I said, stop it!"

A wrestling match not unlike their childhood games followed. The two were approximately the same size and build, so the tussle lasted a while before they had reached a settlement, with their arms tangled around each other in a curious position where they weren't sure anymore which one was holding which. Ace had pinned Teddy's left arm behind his back but Teddy was holding Ace's left wrist against the tub and Ace's right hand was held uncomfortably in Teddy's armpit.

Their faces had ended up really close, so close Ace could feel Teddy's warm breaths on his chin. Ace's mind was escaping to places he was usually careful not to go. When they had been children they had fooled around like this often. There had always been a physical bond between them, but since Ace had grown and learned about things that could happen between two bodies, that bond had become both torture and bliss for him. Sometimes, at moments like this, when they ended up so close that they could smell each other's skin, he would think that maybe it had got like that for Teddy, too. At least a little. Maybe Teddy didn't know it himself, maybe he'd need someone else to draw it out of him, but to Ace it looked so obvious, how Teddy was so comfortable with him but with no other male... At moments like this, Ace wondered what would happen if he kissed Teddy.

Teddy's own mind was quite differently occupied as he stared into Ace's green eyes, quite aware of their bodies, his own and Ace's under him. He remembered another clothed male body so close to his own naked one, in the water, where the man had said he'd only help him wash his back, and then it had been more... He didn't want to think about that with Ace, Ace was a different story. Ace was his best friend.

Just moments, seconds before Ace made up his mind, Teddy let go of Ace's hands, trying to pull his own hand free from under the blond. Instinctively, Ace shifted to let Teddy up. Without a word, Teddy stood up and offered his hand to Ace. The blond let himself be helped up, but he didn't immediately let go of Teddy's hand when he got to his feet. During that brief moment as they stood face to face, Ace started to open his mouth, he wasn't sure if it was a question or a kiss he had been about to commit to, but before he had the time to finish either, Teddy turned away and stepped out of the tub.

Ace watched him go, disappointment churning in his stomach. This was one of those moments that he had been almost certain.

"Sorry I messed up your clothes," Teddy said while picking up a towel and starting to dry himself off. He wasn't looking at Ace. He was trying to chase away memories and thoughts he didn't want Ace finding out about.

Ace let out a sound, then realised it sounded too displeased and gave a smile instead when Teddy glanced at him over his shoulder. "They'll dry up."

Teddy smiled faintly as he gave Ace a good once-over. "That's not what you said when I dipped you into that lake at the graduation party. You said the dirty water ruined the fabric."

"Well, yeah. But that was my expensive design suit, that's different."

Teddy laughed. "You _are_ such a fag, Ace."

Ace made a face. "You know, we seriously need to have a talk about politically correct one of these days."

"Since when have you cared about politically correct?"

"Since you started calling me a fag." Ace shifted his shoulders a little in a half-shrug. "Besides, I am not. I'm just particular about the way I dress."

Teddy laughed and shook his head as he started to dry his hair. Banter with Ace always made him feel a little better. They would often turn serious issues into jokes, and that helped Teddy. He wasn't good at dealing with his feelings, so making light of them usually helped.

Ace got out of the tub and started to remove his own clothes. He was glad he hadn't bothered to change since they got in. While Teddy moved on to dressing to the clothes Ace had brought for him, Ace put away his wet clothes and then moved back to the tub.

"Hey look, I'll take a quick shower", Ace said. "You go ahead and make yourself comfortable. You eaten anything? Ice usually keeps something in the fridge for guests, so feel free to grab anything."

Teddy nodded. He wasn't hungry. Frankly, he didn't think he'd ever be hungry again. But it was better not to say that to Ace. He slunk out of the bathroom while Ace stepped into the tub. As soon as the bathroom door was closed, Teddy stopped and looked at the nice living room. Ace had wiped off the stains he'd left on the floor. Everything was as spotless as ever. To Teddy, who was used to living in a messy apartment, it looked almost like no one even lived there. Like it was a set for a TV-show or something. He half expected to turn around and meet a camera.

Smiling to his own thoughts, he started to walk around the room. He didn't go to the fridge. He didn't want food. He walked until he came to the glass doors that led into the balcony. He stood there staring outside. It was dark out, but the windows in the building across the street still had some lights on them. He wondered how late it was. Midnight? He didn't know anymore. He couldn't be bothered to find a clock.

He remembered fooling around on the balcony with Ace. Sweetheart hadn't liked it, she'd been worried they might fall off. They were so high, the fall would kill them. He wondered how it would feel, to dive through the air and get your brain splattered on the sidewalk. Would the fall feel like flying? Or would it be a lurch in the stomach like in the roller coaster? Both? How would the moment of death feel like?

His father had always told him he'd never have the guts to do it. He remembered standing in the kitchen with the knife, swearing he'd do it if the man got any closer, holding the blade to his wrist, trembling. He would have taken the knife to his father, but he knew he could never go through with it. And he supposed he had hoped that his father might be persuaded by fear of losing him. It had been a cry of help, he had wanted his father to show him he cared. Instead... the man had laughed at him. Told him he was a weak coward who'd never be able to go through with it. Teddy remembered his shame when he'd had to let his father take the knife back, how he'd been sent to his room. He had never tried it again. He wasn't sure why. Some part of him was angered by his father's words, goaded by them. Some part of him told him he should do it to prove his father he wasn't weak.

But he hadn't been able to go through with it. And it had always been because of Sweetheart. He knew how much it would hurt her if he did it. He never wanted to hurt her. Whenever he did, he felt horrible about it afterwards and would do anything to make it up to her.

Still, there were the other thoughts, too. The feeling that he wasn't good enough for Sweetheart. That she should have been with someone better. That he should take himself out of the picture so that she could have a chance with someone else. But even with those thoughts, he hadn't been able to do it. He'd stood so many times with the knife in his room, cold blade pressed against his wrist, his hands trembling, trying to get it done, but always ending up just curling up into a ball and crying.

Maybe his father was right. Maybe he was a coward, maybe he was afraid of dying.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Getting Sweetheart to bed had not been difficult. She was tired and wanted to be alone. After divulging a scattered account of the events as she knew them, she had been happy to retreat to a room Lancer always kept ready for her. He didn't know if she actually slept, but at least she had seemed calmer. He thought that as long as she would be able to stay calm and rest a little, she would be all right. Next morning, when she had had some distance to the events of tonight, she would be able to think more clearly. And hopefully, solve things with Teddy.

The entire event bothered Lancer. He had always been happy about Teddy's and Sweetheart's relationship. Teddy, of course, had always been insanely jealous of her relationship with him, but Lancer liked to think that he had managed to soothe Teddy's suspicions over the years. Sweetheart was like a sister to him, the sibling he had never had, and he liked to think of Teddy as his brother. Their happiness meant the worlds to him, and furthermore, their steadfast love was like a beacon of hope for Lancer. Something that proved to him that true love could, and did, exist.

"Honey?" It was Bright Eyes. Lancer jumped a little and looked over his shoulder to her. She was standing a few steps behind him, looking quizzical and a little annoyed. He knew he'd woken her from her sleep when he'd left to pick Sweetheart up. He'd told her to continue sleeping and she had. He'd hoped she'd sleep until morning.

He tried a smile. "Yeah?"

"You coming to bed now?"

"No, I..." Lancer looked at the phone in his hand. He had wanted to try to find Teddy. He knew that losing Sweetheart must have hit Teddy hard. Lancer wanted to make sure everything was all right. But he wasn't sure how much he should tell Bright Eyes. "I still have something to take care of."

She didn't look pleased. "For Sweetheart?"

"Yeah. And for Teddy."

She rolled her eyes. "God, Lancer, can't it wait until morning?"

Lancer shook his head. He couldn't sleep anyway, so it would hardly matter and besides, he was worried about Teddy. "No, it can't."

"Why not? Because it's Sweetheart?" Bright Eyes looked annoyed. Lancer avoided her eyes, but it seemed to anger her. "You see so much trouble over her, sometimes I think you love her more than you love me!"

"Bee, come on..." Lancer looked at her helplessly. "She's like a sister to me, you know that. Look, you don't understand, she's broken up with Teddy."

"Well, good!" She crossed her arms on her chest and stared at him. He couldn't believe it, but she was obviously serious. She shook her head. "He's terrible for her, you know that."

"They love each other."

"No, they _think_ they love each other. There's a big difference." Bright Eyes was clearly struggling to look patient. Not that Lancer thought she was succeeding very well. Bright Eyes wasn't awfully good at looking patient. "Don't you see, Lancer? This is the best thing that ever happened to Sweetheart. And Teddy, for that matter. Maybe now he can find someone of his own type. Someone who isn't so much above him."

"Above him? Fuck, Bee, do you listen to yourself?" Lancer was disgusted, but Bright Eyes shook her head.

"You don't understand", she talked with that tone again, like she thought she was explaining something simple to a child. It really got on Lancer's nerves. "Teddy and Sweetheart come from totally different worlds. I'm not saying she's better than him, though I think she is, I think she's a better person, but the point is, she's coming from a normal, functional family and a good lifestyle. And he's a mess, I wouldn't be surprised if he'll end up in jail. Look what his father was. He'll never live up to her expectations. It can never work."

"What do you know about her expectations? Or what their relationship is like, for that matter?" Lancer was thoroughly irritated and it was beginning to show. "You never even talk to either one of them."

Bright Eyes gave a disinterested snort. "I don't need to talk to them, it's plain to anyone who bothers to look."

"You don't know that, though!" Lancer's tone rose a little, which was uncharacteristic of him and caused her to jump a little. Her eyes were a little wider when he glared at her. "You don't know them! You don't, you just think you're so smart you can figure anything out, but you know what? You don't understand shit about love!"

Now her eyes were wide as saucers. Too late, he realised what he had just said. There was no way to take back those words, no way to tell her that he didn't mean them. She i_was_ smart, she understood well enough that he had meant every word. When the hurt began to show in her pink eyes, he knew he'd lost another one.

"Hey, Bee..."

"Don't say anything," she said, interrupting him with a shake of the head. "Don't say anything to me right now." And then she turned. She was out of the door before he had figured out if he even wanted to say anything more.

Once the door had closed after her, he just stood there, staring numbly. He honestly didn't know how he felt. If he felt sorry or not. It hadn't been easy for him these past few years with her. She had all these expectations and though he tried his best to live up to them, it got harder every year. He might have broken up with her a long time ago if it wasn't for... everything. He didn't really know how to break up with people. Sometimes he wondered if the only reason he was with her was because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. It was backwards, he knew it, because he'd end up hurting her anyway. But then, he felt guilty for even getting her in this position. He'd been the one to ask her out all those years ago, he'd been the one to give her the wrong impression. Never mind he'd been fighting a battle he'd thought he could win, never mind he'd done it to live up to other people's expectations. He'd still done it, no excuses, and now he needed to pay the price. Getting engaged felt like an accident, and he felt like a spectator to it all, immobile as he watched his life crash and burn, transfixed, petrified, unable to stop it. Telling her he didn't want her after all didn't even occur to him anymore. It wasn't the gentleman-like thing to do, and he'd made promises. A man's worth nothing if he doesn't keep his word, that's what his father had always told him.

And then, he really did love Bright Eyes. Just not the way she wanted him to. Not the way she thought he did.

"...Lancer?"

Sweetheart. He jumped at the sound of her voice. As he turned, he saw the slender white figure, enveloped in the pastel pink silk dream he'd given her for her birthday when she'd turned fifteen. It was a kimono style housecoat decorated with a japanese floral pattern. He'd brought it for her from his trip to Japan and it was her favourite thing to wear when she wasn't properly dressed up for the day.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Lancer said with a half-hearted smile. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I can't sleep." She walked to him and he realised her eyes looked worried. "Was that Bright Eyes you were talking with just now?"

It occurred to him she might have heard something of the conversation. He gave a shrug, trying not to show how uncomfortable he felt. "Yeah."

"She looked upset."

"It's okay," Lancer lied. "We were just tired and disagreed about something. It's okay, I'll apologise to her in the morning."

Sweetheart looked at him. The worry in her eyes didn't fade. There weren't a lot of things Sweetheart was really smart about, but she was smart about people. She understood people. And when he met her eyes, Lancer knew she'd already guessed, as she always did. He had to turn away, hoping he didn't look too guilty, struggling for something more to say, something to ease her worry. But he knew he had already lost when she wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about me, Sweetheart," he said again, quietly.

"If I don't," she said quietly, "who will?"

Her question was like a slap across the face. He turned his head away in a vain attempt to hide the tears, but there was nothing you could hide from Sweetheart. She took out a napkin from her pocket and wiped his cheeks, her touch as gentle as always.

"You know..." she whispered, "you always take care of other people. But who's taking care of you?"

Lancer swallowed. "I'm okay, Sweetheart," he said. "Really."

She shook her head. "Bright Eyes might believe that, but I don't. I've seen how you're always there for her when she needs you, comforting her, and I've seen how you put your own life aside to accommodate her. You're always there for me, too. And you never ask anything in return."

Lancer was quiet. He didn't really know what to say. She was right, he couldn't deny it. She was always right about him. Sometimes he thought there had never been anyone else who would understand him like she did. He was certain that if Teddy hadn't come along for Sweetheart, it would have been her instead of Bright Eyes for him. And as horrible as it was toward Bright Eyes, Lancer was happy that it hadn't been Sweetheart. Sweetheart didn't deserve the pain he'd have brought her. The pain he'd bring any woman.

"You know, if things were different..." He swallowed. He couldn't bring himself to say it. It wasn't fair, on either one of them.

"Ssh," she whispered, hugging him more tightly. "You don't need to talk it better for me."

She stayed there, her arms draped around him, her soothing hands caressing him gently. But despite her calmness and his desire to feel comforted, he could not forget that she was the one who needed comforting that night.

"Look, Sweetheart," Lancer didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that she couldn't help him, "I've got something I need to do before turning in. Why don't you go back to bed, try to get some sleep?"

Sweetheart looked at him. In her eyes, he saw the unspoken thoughts and he knew he hadn't fooled her that time, either. But respecting his wish, she only nodded. "Alright," she whispered. She looked like she would have wanted to say more, but they both knew words could do only so much. She smiled a little and reached up to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek, stroked his hair once more and then left.

Once Sweetheart had gone, Lancer walked to the salon and picked a number in his cell phone. He tried Teddy's and Sweetheart's apartment first, hoping he'd have went back by now. But if he was there, he didn't answer. Lancer sighed and stared at the cell phone for a while once the call disconnected. He knew there was only one place Teddy might go to at a moment like this. It wasn't a number Lancer enjoyed calling anymore. But right now, finding Teddy was more important than his comfort.

It took a while before there was an answer.

"Yeah?" Ace's voice was indifferent, like it always was these days. It hurt Lancer a little, but he kept his feelings to himself. This wasn't about him. This was about Sweetheart. Sorting things out for her was his only concern now.

"Hey, Ace. Sorry to disturb you--I didn't wake you, did I?" Looking at the clock, Lancer realised that it was well past midnight. Ace didn't usually stay up that late. He was so particular about his daily schedule and exercise rhythm.

"No, I was... I couldn't sleep." Ace paused. He sounded impatient when he went on, "So what did you want?"

_Cold, Ace,_ Lancer thought to himself. He felt like reminding Ace that there had been a time he'd gladly taken Lancer's calls in the middle of the night. But Ace was different now. It was all different.

"You haven't heard from Teddy, have you?" Lancer asked carefully. He was sure that if Teddy had gone to someone, it was Ace. They were best friends. Lancer knew he'd never been able to compete with Teddy for Ace's affections, not even after... Lancer closed his eyes as the memory of that afternoon at the pond haunted him. He'd never been able to tell Ace how much the kiss had meant to him. It still hurt him to know that for Ace, it had been just one kiss among many, and not even his first. They had been fourteen, Ace had just been fooling around. It was never supposed to mean anything. Lancer couldn't bring himself to tell Ace what that crazy whim had cost him.

The silence was a few heartbeats longer this time. When the answer came, it was short in a way that made Lancer frown.

"No."

"Really?" Lancer was confused. It was hard for him to believe that Teddy hadn't gone to Ace, or even contacted him. "You sure?"

"Yeah, why? Something happened?"

"Err..." Lancer didn't quite know what to say. "Yeah. You might say that. Listen, are you sure you haven't got any calls from him? That you... haven't rejected any numbers tonight you didn't know?"

"I don't know, look, I don't really have the time for this."

"You don't have time for Teddy?" _Well, that's a first,_ Lancer thought in confusion.

"That's not what I meant. It's just, I'm busy with someone right now, you know what I mean? I realise you and Bright Eyes don't get a lot of action going, but..."

"Shut up." Lancer wasn't in the mood for Ace's banter about their respective sex lives right now. He frowned and stopped near the window, staring outside. He was getting really worried about Teddy now. What if Ace had been his usual jerk self and hung up on an unknown number and it had been Teddy trying to call him from a phone booth or something? "Teddy's missing, Ace. Teddy and Sweetheart had a huge fight and he's trashed some of her stuff and now he's missing."

There was a short silence. "Well, how long's he been gone?"

"I don't know, couple of hours. He wasn't at their place when I went to pick her up and he didn't answer just know when I called."

"Well if they had a fight and you picked her up, he probably won't want to take your calls," Ace said, his voice sounding calmer. Lancer had to admit there was a point to the argument. The phone Sweetheart had got from her parents as a housewarming present had caller display. If Teddy had seen him calling, it was possible he had chosen not to answer, if he was still angry.

"Yeah, well, I'm still worried," Lancer said. "Could you look for him, please?"

"Sure," Ace answered. "I can do that--in the morning. Look, I'm sure Teddy's fine. It's not the first time he takes off without telling anyone."

"But it's the first time he's had this bad a row with Sweetheart." Lancer couldn't understand why Ace was being so careless about this.

Ace gave an impatient sigh. "I'll look for him, okay?"

"Okay." Lancer bit his lip. "When you do find him, tell him Sweetheart wants to talk with him, will you?"

"Yeah, sure. Bye now." Ace hung up before Lancer had the time to respond. Lancer put his phone down with a frown. He felt confused and a little hurt. Ace had never been quite _this_ cold with him before. And then, the blond's apparent callous attitude about Teddy was very unusual, too. Lancer shook his head. He was beginning to feel more and more like Ace was growing up into a stranger. He just wished he'd understood why he still loved that stranger.

"I need to get my head examined," Lancer muttered to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

In the bathroom of his brother's apartment, Ace stared at the cell phone in his hand. It wasn't really a big deal to lie to Lancer, was it? He'd done it before. And it was just Lancer, Lancer always understood even if he found out about it. And Lancer was such a pushover, Ace could tell him anything and he'd always believe him. And he'd never get mad at him, he'd just give Ace a sad for a while and then be over it.

_Maybe that's why I feel bad about it._

"Idiot," he reproached himself. No, Lancer deserved to be screwed over for being so gullible. Just like Sweetheart. Ace kind of wished Lancer _would_ want Sweetheart like Teddy thought he did. He'd pick up the pieces for her and be her knight in shining armour and all that shit. Then Sweetheart would think Lancer the better deal and it would be happily ever after for them. And Teddy... Ace would be there for Teddy. It would be perfect.

Only... He knew Lancer better than that. Unlike Teddy's, Ace's perception of Lancer's feelings for Sweetheart were not warped by jealousy or his own personal insecurities. There was nothing even remotely sexual about the way Lancer thought about Sweetheart.

"Fuck you, Lancer," Ace muttered bitterly. "Fuck you for screwing up my life."

He refused to acknowledge the childishness of the accusation. It wasn't childish, it was the truth. Lancer was accommodating everyone else with everything he ever did, so why couldn't he accommodate Ace? After all, as Ace often smugly thought, Ace was Lancer's best friend--never mind that Lancer was not Ace's. Still, Ace knew that no one else was as close to Lancer as he was. He was the one Lancer confided in and the only one who knew Lancer's biggest, most important, life-altering secret.

Ace was the only one who knew Lancer was gay. With a smile, he thought back on the day it had all started. They had been fourteen. They'd been swimming together, started to fool around in the water and then there'd been the touches, until Ace had finally pinned Lancer under him on the shore and leaned down to kiss him. Up until then, it had all been just a game, but Ace had been surprised that Lancer had answered the kiss. They'd ended up talking and Lancer had confessed to liking boys. Ace had not asked directly, but he had assumed that Lancer was bisexual. After all, he'd been dating Bright Eyes already then.

What a shocker it had been for Ace to discover, years later, that Lancer didn't like girls _at all_. If Ace was perfectly honest with himself, he had been rather offended. He'd given Lancer hell about not coming clean about it to him when they'd first talked about Lancer's sexual orientation and demanded to know why Lancer had got engaged with Bright Eyes if he didn't really want her. Ace hadn't really understood Lancer's explanation, it all sounded like an elaborate excuse to him. He might have pressured Lancer to break up with Bright Eyes, but frankly he thought the couple deserved each other. In Ace's opinion, Bright Eyes was a cold fish, and if Lancer was dumb enough to ruin his life with someone he didn't really want, it wasn't Ace's problem.

He had no idea why it still bothered him so much. It was irritating because it was so irrational. Why should he let Lancer get under his skin so much, especially since Lancer wasn't even trying. Ace shook his head. It had to be Lancer's fault somehow anyway. "Fuck you, Lancer," he repeated as he stuck his cell phone in the pocket of his bathrobe. Thinking about Lancer always made him uneasy these days. He much rather thought about Teddy.

Ace walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. He paused near the door for a moment to just listen to his even breathing. Teddy lay now completely relaxed, one arm hugging his own pillow, his head on Ace's pillow. He'd moved while Ace was gone. Ace wondered if he'd find any room for himself on the bed anymore. But he didn't really mind, which was noteworthy as he normally minded very much. He'd nearly pushed a girl off the bed once when she'd rolled on his side of the bed in her sleep. But it didn't bother him with Teddy. Maybe it was because it meant that Teddy trusted him, and that pleased Ace.

Silently, Ace walked to the bed and took off his bathrobe. He slipped into the bed and under his own blanket. Then there was a moment's hesitation. Would he dare to put his arm over Teddy? Would the other boy freak out? Teddy allowed physical contact in the form of hugging and wrestling, but how would he react to waking up with Ace's arm around him?

But then, couldn't he just pretend he'd done it in his sleep? A wicked smile crept on Ace's lips and he lowered himself on the bed and rested his head on the pillow. Then he inched a little closer, lifted his hand--hesitated once more--and then finally closed his arm around Teddy's upper body.

There was no immediate reaction. Teddy's breathing was as even as before. He hadn't woken up. Ace smiled and pushed his head into Teddy's, then closed the distance between them so that his chest touched Teddy's back. Now Teddy stirred. Ace's heart skipped a beat.

"Ace?" Teddy's voice was quiet, sleepy and hardly audible.

Ace swallowed and struggled to sound normal. "Yeah?"

Teddy made a sleepy noise and curled up a little around the pillow he was hugging. Ace waited, but there was no further noise, no further words. And definitely no freaking out. After some ten minutes of silence Teddy's breathing evened out again. Ace finally dared to assume Teddy had gone back to sleep. He smiled and closed his eyes as he buried his cheek into Teddy's orange hair.

Ace was growing more and more certain that Teddy, like Lancer, secretly fancied him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

For a while, he didn't know where he was. It was dark and frightening and he was hurting, it was like his hands and knees were on fire. He was afraid his father would hear him so he didn't dare to make any noise. He stirred a little and that was when he felt it. An arm wrapped around him. He became conscious of the breathing near his head, the deep breaths in and out, the warmth on the fur of his jaw. Someone was there.

Teddy shivered, fearing it was someone he didn't want it to be.

Then he felt the arm move a little, there was a touch on his fur, fingers closing around his wrist. The breathing moved and he could feel a soft touch on his jaw, someone pressing a cheek against his. There was a hushed, soothing "ssh" and he realised this was not his father. This was someone warm and comforting.

_Sweetheart._ It was the only logical thought, the only possibility. She was with him. Teddy started to smile. He turned his head a little and pressed against what he thought was her cheek. For a while, he just stayed there in silence, becoming more and more awake but his mind occupied with struggling away from the nightmare and the darkness. The only way out was the thought of Sweetheart, she was like a beacon, lighting the way for him. And slowly, he felt calmer, more composed, until his body relaxed.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"No problem." But this was not Sweetheart's voice. It was deeper, more masculine... it was...

_Ace._ Teddy was too astonished to really react visibly to the realisation. He simply lay there, his eyes closed, trying to fathom the unfathomable. That he was lying in Ace's arms, his best friend's cheek against his own. In bed.

How was it possible he had not realised it was a male body pressing against him? He should have freaked out. He should have jumped and slapped Ace's hands away and yelled at him. He was confused, because usually it was a gut reaction from him. But now... he'd already accepted the embrace and made himself comfortable. Now he had too much time to think about it. And now it would have felt stupid.

Teddy opened his eyes and turned his head a little to look at Ace. Ace lifted his head and smiled to him. Teddy didn't know what that smile meant. It looked weird to him, but then, this entire situation felt weird. He needed to break this somehow.

"You sleep well?" Teddy asked, for want of a better start.

"Better than you, it seems," Ace said and his expression looked more worried. "It looked like you were having a nightmare."

"I was." Teddy never wanted to talk about his bad dreams. They were better left where they came from, in his subconscious. One day, they'd just go away. That's the way Teddy figured it. He looked away, down, and only now realised he was holding his pillow in his arms against his chest. That must mean that the pillow he was resting his head was... Ace's. He blushed a little. "Oh... sorry."

"About what?" Ace was confused. He thought for a moment that Teddy was apologising for seeking comfort from him and was just about to tell him not to worry, when Teddy looked at him.

"I stole your pillow," Teddy explained. He rolled on his back, all too aware that Ace's arm followed his movement and was now lying on his chest. The smile came out a little nervous. "I didn't mean to."

Ace smiled gently. He thought Teddy's concern was really quite adorable. "That's okay. You paid rent on the pillow--I got to hold you all night as a result." He grinned.

Teddy started to smile as well. "That so? I worry to think what the rent would be for grabbing your blanket as well."

"Then I'd have to fuck you, of course. To keep myself warm."

Teddy hit Ace on the face with his pillow. "Go fuck yourself, Ace."

Ace was laughing. "I can't fuck myself, sadly," he said. "But that's okay, my twin is doing it for me so it's almost the same thing."

Teddy rolled his eyes and shoved him on the chest. "That's disgusting," he said. "And _you're_ gonna talk to _me_ about politically correct?" Ace laughed and Teddy shook his head. Ace's sense of humour sometimes almost made him sick. "Well," Teddy said, "as much as I enjoy getting a glimpse at your filthy mind, I think I'd rather get a glimpse at the bathroom now."

"And as much as my filthy mind would enjoy watching you pass water, I think I'd best get to the kitchen and start preparing some breakfast for us." Ace let Teddy slip off from underneath his hand--secretly enjoying the feel of Teddy's muscles under his fingers. Teddy looked at him, a little surprised.

"You're going to make breakfast?" Teddy chuckled. "Maybe I should order a pizza."

"You mock my cooking!" Ace looked shocked. "I'll have you know my mother taught me well. I make excellent breakfast à la Ace, complete with a healthy salad, and I'll spank you with my spatula if you mock me again!"

Teddy grinned as he slipped out of the bed. "Oh please. I'll bet you're as good a cook as you are a fucker."

"Then you should bow to the master, because all my girls squeal for more by the time I'm done with them."

"Of course they do. They're trying to beg you to finish the deal for them too. Maybe you should try that spatula next time."

Ace looked outraged. He grabbed a pillow and threw it at Teddy. "That's it, you're not worthy of breakfast à la Ace!"

Teddy dodged the pillow and ran out of the room, laughing. Ace stared after him but started smiling. It was good to see Teddy on such a good mood.

Teddy's smile didn't fade until he was in the bathroom. As he went with his business, he thought back on Ace. It had felt strange to wake up in Ace's arms like that. Ace hadn't seemed to mind, but that was typical of him. Ace liked physical contact, sometimes Teddy thought that constant physical contact with other people sustained Ace like sunlight sustained plants. It didn't erase Teddy's personal discomfort, however.

Teddy lingered in the bathroom for a while, brushed his teeth and washed his face and then finally decided he had recovered from the morning shock enough to venture out. When he stepped into the living room, he saw Ace hovering about the kitchen in his jeans. The apron was impossible to miss. Teddy stared at it in disbelief.

"What the fuck is that?" he asked, his mouth beginning to twitch.

Ace looked up from where he was near the stove, confused. "What's what?"

"That thing you're wearing? What are you, Mrs Doubtfire now?"

Ace gave him a dirty look. "I don't want to mess my jeans, all right?"

Teddy started to laugh. "Yeah, but where did you _get_ it? I didn't know your brother was a fag too!"

Ace rolled his eyes. "Small world you're living in, Teddy." Then he glanced at Teddy while busily chopping up a carrot. "Instead of making stupid remarks, why don't you pick some music for us?"

"To drown out your filthy mouth, sure." Teddy shook his head and continued to chuckle as he started to walk toward the stereos lazily. His face went more serious when he saw the set. "Impressive," he commented.

Ace made a face. "Yeah, he doesn't let me forget it. Just pick something, will you? The cd's are on the shelf there."

Teddy nodded and started to go through the cd's. After a while his eyes landed on a familiar cd and he went completely serious. Carefully, he pulled the cd out and stared at the cover. Noticing his strange reaction, Ace raised his brows.

"Something wrong?"

Teddy shook his head as he turned the cd around in his hands to see the back cover. "It's just... Sweetheart's got this cd." He stared at it. There was a lump forming at the pit of his stomach. "One of her favourites."

_Oh, crap._ "Oh?" What the hell could he say? How to get Teddy's mind off the cd?

Teddy stared at the cd. It wasn't the same edition, but the song was there. He could still remember watching her dance to it on the lawn, her hair flowing in pastel curls around her, her skirt fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. He remembered thinking exactly that. He remembered every smell and sound of that moment. That moment, when he'd realised this was her song. She _was_ this song. And ever since, the song had reminded him of her. When she was away, he'd comfort himself with this song. Not really knowing why, Teddy put the cd into the cd tray of the stereo and pushed play. When the song started, Ace made a face.

"Oh, ew," Ace said, "what the fuck is that?"

Teddy shrugged as he flipped the cover in his hands. "Martina McBride."

"_Country music_?" Ace groaned. "Take it away, take it away, it's making my ears bleed!"

Teddy gave him a glare. "You know, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's a bad song."

"Oh, come on!" Ace continued chopping the carrots, though his insides were churning. "Since when have you liked country music any more than I do?"

"I don't, but Sweetheart does."

"But you hate it!" Ace looked at Teddy, feigning patience. "Seriously, why are you tormenting yourself for this girl? She dumped you, remember?"

Teddy slapped the stop button and took out the cd. Ace's words stung him deep, but as always, pain came out as anger. He put the cd back in the cover and threw it on the shelf.

Ace realised he'd made a mistake and bit his lip. "Look, I'm sorry," he said more quietly. "I'm just saying, you don't like her music, so I don't know why I'd need to pretend to."

"Just forget it." Teddy was disappointed and he didn't even know why. He walked to the kitchen counter and took a seat. He wasn't feeling like music at all anymore.

"No, really, Teddy..." Ace stopped chopping the vegetables and leaned his elbows on the counter, grabbing Teddy's wrist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... I just don't understand why you bend over backwards to please Sweetheart like this. I mean, if you can't be honest with yourself and her, then what's the relationship really worth?"

Teddy stared at the counter, but he didn't move his hand away. He didn't like what Ace was saying, but he had to wonder if it was because it rang so true. He was all the time trying to please Sweetheart, like he owed her for staying with him. That's how he felt. That he owed her for putting up with him.

"I'm such a loser," he concluded his own thoughts. He wasn't sure if he'd meant to say it aloud, but once he had, he couldn't be bothered to even want to take it back.

"You're not a loser, Teddy." Ace squeezed his best friend's hand. "You know, you try so hard to measure up to her expectations that you don't stop to think about who you really are. Because you're a great person, Teddy. You really are. You don't need to prove that to anyone. You definitely don't need to prove it to me."

Teddy glanced at Ace. The blond looked honest and concerned. It was probably the most caring expression he'd ever seen on Ace's face. It made Teddy smile a little. "It's not like I don't want to believe you, Ace," he said quietly. "But... I don't think I can."

Besides, Ace was wrong, though Teddy didn't want to say that to his face. Ace never took well to being told he was wrong, he'd just argue and make Teddy feel worse about it. Ace was wrong about Sweetheart. She didn't have expectations. It was Teddy who built pressure on himself. He wanted so bad to be a man she'd deserve. Someone like Lancer.

Teddy didn't want to think about it. He smiled and pulled his hand away from under Ace's, motioning toward the salad plate Ace was preparing. "So, that looks horrible. You think I'm a rabbit or something?"

Ace gave a faint smile. He was disappointed but tried not to show it. For a moment there, he'd thought he'd got through and got Teddy talking. But, as always, his window of opportunity seemed to close almost before it had opened. "Yeah." He went back to his chopping. "I know how you eat. You need to have a healthy breakfast for a change."

Teddy pouted. "Does that mean I don't get my morning bacon?"

"Yeah, but you can have porridge if you like."

Teddy made a face. "I'd sooner turn into a rabbit."

Ace gave a grin. "That can be arranged. I think Ice keeps a bunny tail and ears for some role playing he and Melody do when she's feeling generous. You'd look absolutely fuckable in those."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Why is it that every conversation turns into sex with you?"

"It's the sex appeal, darling," Ace said dramatically and waved his hand in the air with a flourish. "People can't help but talk about sex when I'm around."

Teddy laughed. "Yeah, well, if either one of us is going to be wearing a bunny tail, it'll be you."

"In your dreams."

"Nightmares is more like it."

Ace shook his head. He'd finished making the salads while they'd been talking and now he pushed the salad bowl in front of Teddy. "Here, make something useful with your mouth and eat this."

Teddy stared at the salad in suspicion. "I'm pretty sure I saw something crawling in there."

"Oh quit your whining and eat it like a good boy, and maybe I'll give you a sausage for dessert."

"Thanks," Teddy said with a snort, "but I think I'll give your sausage a pass."

"You sure?" Ace grinned.

"Seriously! I can't talk about anything without you bringing sex into it! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you haven't had any for a year."

Ace laughed as he took a seat. "For your information, I get laid regularly. I can't help it if you make me think of sex though."

Teddy gave him a weird look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're gorgeous." Ace's smile faded a bit when he realised he'd taken himself a little too deep into it. He struggled to continue with a joke in case Teddy freaked out, but then, Teddy smiled.

"You've got to be pretty desperate to start hitting on your best friend. Shouldn't you take these kind of problems to Starlight? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help you out." Teddy grinned. Everyone knew Starlight liked Ace, but Ace appeared to think of her as just a friend, who happened to be a girl, as opposed to a girlfriend, and that was how Ace had chosen to keep it. She was sort of like a reserve girlfriend, he figured, for whenever he'd happen to need one.

Ace rolled his eyes. "Just eat your salad, bunny-boy."

Teddy chuckled as he picked up the bowl and started to eat. Ace looked at Teddy with a smile as he went on to finish making the rest of the breakfast. He took all this as a good sign. Teddy hadn't freaked out in the morning when he'd discovered Ace's arms around him. He hadn't freaked out about the intrusive sex jokes. Everything seemed to be going Ace's way.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

Ace looked at Teddy. They were sitting on the couch, Ace had turned the Music TV on with low volume, Teddy had been quiet throughout the rest of the breakfast. Teddy had pulled up his feet on the couch and held the plate on top of his knees, but now it was empty and he was staring at the TV screen with the expression of a man who doesn't really see what he's looking at.

"I don't know," Ace replied and gave a shrug. "What am I supposed to ask you?"

"What happened," Teddy said quietly, still not taking his eyes off the TV. But Ace knew it was just his way to avoid looking at Ace.

Ace turned his eyes on the TV too and leaned his head back. He chased down a pea and stabbed it with the fork. "I don't know," he said. "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to talk about it."

Teddy gave a weak smile. "I'm not sure if I'm ever ready to talk about it."

"Well, then, let's not talk about it. Whatever you want."

Teddy was quiet for a while. Though Ace was saying he didn't need to talk about it, something inside him still needed to do just that. He couldn't let it go. "You haven't heard of her, have you?"

_...tell him Sweetheart wants to talk with him, will you?_ But Lancer's voice was distant. "No." Ace shrugged. "Nothing."

Teddy swallowed. Some part of him had hoped that she might have contacted Ace, or left a message. But maybe she hadn't even been home... "You think she's with someone else?"

Ace put the pea in his mouth and chewed on it longer than was necessary. He didn't want Teddy thinking about Sweetheart. "Maybe, I suppose. I mean, she dumped you and all. Maybe she's had someone else all along."

The suggestion hit Teddy like a hammer. He didn't know any other response than the gut reaction his father had taught him. He grabbed the plate and put it on the coffee table with a loud angry bang. "Lancer."

Ace's mouth was already opening for the negative, when he thought better of it. "Maybe, I guess." _There,_ he thought to himself, _screw you, Lancer, for fucking up my life_.

Teddy hated the choking feeling in his throat and the burning in his eyes. He told himself he was a weak loser and no real men cried, but his body refused to listen. Which meant he was a weak loser excuse of a man, didn't it?

Looking at Teddy, Ace wondered if he was taking it too far. But how else to make Teddy understand? Sometimes you had to hurt a man to heal a man, right? And Ace firmly believed that Teddy needed to be cured of this unhealthy obsession he had with Sweetheart. Ace was doing this for Teddy, it was for his own good.

"I'm sorry if it hurts you, Teddy," Ace said quietly, "but you know, if Sweetheart runs off with someone else, it's really not a reflection on you. It just means she doesn't know what she's got."

Teddy stared mutely in front of him. Ace put his plate away and shifted a little closer on the couch. Teddy didn't react when Ace wrapped one arm around Teddy's shoulder.

"You're a great guy, Teddy," Ace said and put one hand on Teddy's arm. "You really are. You shouldn't let Sweetheart make you think otherwise."

"She doesn't." It was hard to talk, but Teddy had to say it. "She's always saying the same thing..." His voice broke off for a moment and he had to draw in a deep breath to be able to continue. "Same thing as you. She says she loves me just the way I am. But how could she love a loser?"

"You're not a loser, Teddy." Ace pressed his forehead against the side of Teddy's head. His voice was soft and kind.

"You say that, but just saying it doesn't make it true." But Teddy had to admit that Ace's arms around him felt good. Once he got past the fact that Ace was male. He wasn't sure why it was easier to get past it with Ace. Maybe it was the constant exposure. Ace just wouldn't give up until Teddy gave him what he wanted. And everyone always ended up giving Ace what he wanted. Teddy wished he could be like that. Teddy never got what he wanted.

"No, but believing it will," Ace said. "So if I say it often enough, maybe eventually you'll believe me."

Teddy let out a grunt and looked at Ace. They were almost nose to nose now, Teddy's strained face gave a little toward a smile. "You just don't know how to give up, do you?" he asked quietly.

Ace smiled. "It's not in me, Teddy. And it's not in you, either. We're two of a kind, you know that. That's why we're best friends, because we're so alike."

"I'm nothing like you," Teddy argued. "You're... you're like a prince or something compared to me. I'm... I'm just a beggar, worse, I'm a fucking criminal."

"Oh, come off it, a couple of hours in the brig doesn't make you a criminal, Ted."

"You know what they say about me. I'm gonna end up in jail, everyone knows that. Just like dad."

"Look just because your dad was an asshole doesn't mean you'll end up one too, okay?" Ace looked very serious and put his hand on the side of Teddy's face, making Teddy turn his head to look at him. "You have a choice, Teddy. And besides..." He smiled. "Unlike your dad, you actually have a conscience."

Teddy gave a weak smile. "I guess."

"I think you've let him run your life long enough. Don't let him do it now that you're finally rid of him."

Teddy let out a bitter harrumph. "Since when did you decide to become a counsellor?"

"Since my best friend started needing one." Ace had no trouble saying those words, and the more he spoke the more firmly he believed he was reaching Teddy. His heart was beginning to pound a little faster in his chest. Teddy looked so receptive, so open. They'd never talked quite like this before, never this serious.

The expression in Teddy's eyes was softer, something rare and different. Ace was certain he recognised that look. And hadn't Teddy moved a little on the couch, toward him?

Teddy sighed and looked at Ace in the eyes. He couldn't help the smile that rose on his lips. He felt deeply, deeply touched about Ace's concern and the comfort he offered, even if he couldn't truly feel like he deserved it. Someone like Ace shouldn't waste his time with someone like him. "Why are you seeing so much trouble over me?"

Ace was very serious now. "You really don't know?"

The smile dropped off Teddy's face. He knew what Ace meant. Ace cared about him, right? He should have known that. But something inside him never quite believed it. Never quite believed anyone could ever really love him. Especially now that Sweetheart was gone. If _she_ gave up on him, then how could anyone else want him around, either? "I'm sorry, Ace," Teddy whispered. "It's hard."

"It's okay," Ace said. He'd have said that of just about anything right now, to get Teddy to think it was okay. Because being like this, with him, that made everything okay. Ace was finally winning.

"No, it's not," Teddy said but gave a smile. He turned and closed his arms around Ace, sinking into an embrace. "But thanks."

Ace immediately closed his own arms around Teddy, hugging him tightly. Teddy's words didn't seem to need a response, other than the warmth of the embrace. Ace's fingers found Teddy's neck and caressed the back of his head. Teddy seemed calm and relaxed in his arms and even when Teddy pulled back, there was no rush. Ace smiled, his fingers roaming in the orange hair.

Perhaps it was the way Teddy had reached out just now. Perhaps it was simply the desire in Ace that made him see what he wanted to see. Later, he'd never be sure. At that moment, he was very aware of how close their faces were to each other, and of how vulnerable Teddy looked. And there he decided that this was the moment. It felt right, he knew it was right. Teddy was ready for it, and lord knew Ace was. Perhaps something inside him remembered what it had been like with Lancer, how easily he had taken the kiss and how pleasantly he had been surprised to find it reciprocated. All these little games he played with people, they all went his way, they all had to go his way, so it was only natural this would go his way as well. He couldn't fail.

And so Ace closed the distance between them and pressed his lips on Teddy's, taking the kiss he had wanted for so long he sometimes forgot ever wanting anything else.

Teddy froze. This was the last thing he had expected. He had had no idea of what was going through Ace's mind, not even the slightest suspicion had crossed his mind. And now, a thousand thoughts went through him all at once, stumbling into each other like a bunch of frightened rabbits. His heart seemed to skip several beats in succession and his lungs suddenly didn't know how to breathe. And for that suspended moment, his mind was suddenly somewhere else.

_"Why is it that the Cronstedt boy hangs around with you, anyway?"_

_"I don't know, dad, maybe because we're best friends?" Teddy regretted the sarcasm as soon as the large hand connected with his head and slammed him against the wall._

_"Don't you wise-ass me, boy!" His father grabbed a hold of the front of his shirt. He was pushed against the wall so hard he struggled to breathe. "And I know why the little fucker likes you so much. It's because you take it up the ass for him, isn't it?"_

_Teddy stared at his father. There was no understanding in his eyes, the accusation was too ludicrous to even fully make sense in his mind. The blank look angered his father and there was another slap. The impact sent his ears ringing._

_"Don't you?" his father's voice demanded, now close to his ear. It was harder to breathe, the stench of alcohol was making Teddy cough. "You little faggot," his father was saying. "You probably suck his dick, too, like the taste of it, don't you?"_

_Teddy was starting to feel sick. "Dad, please..." He was trying to struggle free, but the man was much bigger, much too strong._

_"Dad please what? Fuck you as well? That's what you want, is it?"_

_Teddy was too shocked to say anything when his father suddenly pulled him away from the wall and toward the kitchen table, and when the pants went down and he felt the pain stabbing through him, all he could hear was his father's grunting and the man's voice daring him to tell him he was enjoying it. The hold of his neck was painful and his face was stuffed into the porridge bowl, he was struggling to breathe..._

Something was being pressed against his mouth now as well, something that was suddenly as disgusting to him as that moment in the kitchen six years ago. Teddy's instincts worked before any conscious thought had entered his mind. His fist connected with the side of Ace's head just near the eye and sent the surprised blond flat on his back on the floor. Immediately after, Teddy was on his feet, his expression twisted into a snarl.

"Fuck!" he screamed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. It didn't help to take away the horrible taste on his tongue. "What the _fuck_ was that?"

For a moment, Ace was too dazed to give an answer. He took his hand to where Teddy had hit him. If Teddy knew how to do anything right, it was delivering a punch. Ace's head was still ringing and he was certain he was going to have a bruise. In any other situation, that thought would have worried him.

Right now, he was more worried that he had made a big mistake. "Uh... look, I'm..."

"What? You're what? You're a fucking pervert!" Teddy was shaking. He had never felt so betrayed in his life. Suddenly it was clear to him just what Ace had been wanting all along. All the touching he'd been doing, all those jokes and all the hints that Teddy had just completely missed. Ace had played him for a fool the whole time. His father had been right. That's what Ace had wanted from him. Teddy had just been stupid enough not to figure it out. Tears were running down Teddy's cheeks but for once he didn't even notice.

Ace struggled onto his feet. "No, Teddy, it's not... it's not what you think, you don't understand." Who was he kidding? He saw it in Teddy's eyes, the other boy had understood perfectly. Helplessly, Ace stepped a little closer.

But this time Teddy's step back was determined, his expression hostile and full of disgust. "Don't you come anywhere near me, Ace!" He shook his head. "Don't you ever touch me again, you fucking faggot!"

"But Teddy, if you just let me... let me explain..."

"What? How could you possibly explain?" Teddy wiped his mouth again. Why _wouldn't_ that damned taste _leave_?

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry. You know what I'm like." Ace was desperate, he was losing Teddy, he saw it in the other boy's face.

"Do I? Do I?" Teddy wanted to say so much more, he wanted to shout obscenities at Ace's face, but the more he tried to come up with words, the harder it got, until finally all he wanted to do was to get away from the blond. Away from the hurt. "Fuck you, Ace."

As Teddy turned, Ace was still trying hard to come up with something to say. Something that would fix things. But Teddy walked further and further away, and nothing came to his mind. This wasn't right. This couldn't be right. There had to be some kind of a mistake.

But when the door slammed shut behind Teddy and Ace was left alone, he was forced to admit that the mistake was all his. The sound of the door snapped Ace from his stunned state. Teddy was going out. He had barely had the patience to put on the shoes Ace had given him. And he had definitely not taken a jacket.

"Teddy!" Ace ran to the door and struggled his shoes on as quickly as possible, grabbed his jacket and one of his brother's jackets and was out the door. He caught Teddy in the stairs going down. "Teddy, wait, please, just wait. I can explain."

"Explain!" Teddy didn't stop or even pause. "I don't want to hear it, Ace. Just get the fuck off my face."

"No, look, it was stupid, okay, I know it was stupid, but I really thought you wanted it too."

"Yeah, I know what you thought! You thought I'm so fucking desperate and thankful that I'll let you do anything you want with me!"

"That's not true." Ace glanced around, all too aware that their voices carried easily to the other apartments. "Look, come back inside so we can talk."

"I've got nothing to say to you!" Teddy shouted. Ace's concern for others who might be listening just angered him more. "You think I'm so stupid you're going to just talk and make it all okay, like you always do! You just talk, Ace, but you're so full of shit! You've been pretending to be my friend but what you really want is me to do what you want, isn't it!" Teddy stopped and turned around to face Ace. It was so abrupt that the blond almost slipped and lost his footing. "Just try and say it's not true!" Teddy's blue eyes were ice-cold.

"Well, it's not!" Ace was getting angry himself. "It's not true! I've only been thinking of you, I only wanted what's best for you!"

"Oh, so, what's best for me is to have your fucking dick up my ass, is that it?" Not waiting for a response, Teddy shook his head in disgust. "What the _fuck_," he spat, "do you know of my best?"

Then he turned and started down the stairs again. Ace stood in silence for a few moments. He wanted to open his mouth and challenge what Teddy was saying. But the words wouldn't come out. He had no idea what to say, because part of him knew Teddy was right.

Then Teddy was starting to disappear round the corner of the stairs and he had to start moving again to keep from losing him. "Okay, fine, if you won't come back up then at least take the jacket, let me drive you wherever you want to go."

But Teddy had been pushed too much. His father had taught him well in the only thing the man had ever taught him. For the second time, Ace found himself falling down. This time he hit his head on the stairs and the impact sent sparks flying in his eyes. Teddy hardly even noticed Ace's injury. He grabbed the extra jacket from the blond's hands and, without another word, Teddy turned and was gone before the blond had fully recovered from the blow to the head.

"Teddy?" Ace's voice was weak, and the only answer were the quick footsteps, growing fainter all the time. Ace closed his eyes and took his hand to the back of his head. He couldn't feel any blood. That was good, right? "Teddy?" he repeated, though the staircase had already grown quiet. It took him a while to realise he was alone.

Ace made it to a sitting position without great difficulty, but it took a while for the walls to stop moving in his eyes. His head was still hurting. Still, the pain dulled the anger. It dulled everything but one thought.

_Ace Cronstedt, you have just made a royal ass of yourself._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

To say things as they were, Ace felt like a beaten dog. He sat on the couch of his brother's condo and stared numbly at the muted TV. He wasn't really watching. The images played across the screen like some surreal cascade of lights. Nothing registered in his mind of what he was seeing. It still hurt where he'd hit his head but the pain had numbed to a distant ache at the back of his brain. He wasn't really registering it either.

He felt alone, miserable and worried. He couldn't believe this was really happening. Teddy was gone. Ace had been so sure of himself, so sure he was in the right. It should have worked. They'd been best friends ever since they were kids. There was all that history. Teddy had to love him.

Ace didn't want to cry. It wasn't a pride issue; he just wasn't one of those people who cried. It made his eyes puffy and he'd only feel stupid afterwards. Reasonably speaking, there was no point in crying. But the choking feeling wouldn't listen to his reasoning. Finally a trembling breath, he had to close his eyes, and the tears squeezed through the eyelids to his cheeks.

_How pathetic._ He wiped the tears off with the back of his hand. _If Teddy knew you were sitting here crying over him, he'd laugh his ass off._ But getting angry at himself didn't help this time. He felt horrible. He wanted someone to tell him that it was all right. He wanted someone to tell him that Teddy had been wrong in saying all those things. He wanted someone to put back the pieces and make it all right again. Tell him that it wasn't his fault. How could it be his fault, he'd just tried to help, right? He just wanted someone to tell him...

Normally, he'd have called Teddy up and told him everything and got his stamp of approval. Teddy didn't always outright agree, but he never argued with Ace. Ace had come to think Teddy could never disagree with him, not seriously anyway. Actually it had never occurred to Ace that Teddy might genuinely have different ideas about anything, not for real. He'd always thought that the small indications of Teddy thinking differently were just because of his brutal upbringing. Like the gay thing, it had taken Teddy a while to accept Ace's bisexual tendencies, but he _had_ accepted it. Teddy always ended up agreeing with Ace in the end, because Ace was smart and knew how to explain things to Teddy. That was it. Teddy just needed to be explained.

That's how it must be now, too. Ace tried telling himself that, but a part of him felt uneasy. He hated being alone. It upset him. He wanted company, constant company, constant society of people who accepted him, liked him. He needed to be liked. But who could he call now? Who could he tell about all of this?

Only one name came to his mind. He checked his watch. It was late enough. Ice would be through with his morning practice. Ace took out his cell and picked his brother's number.

Ice answered almost right away. "Hey, lil' bro, what's up?"

Ace gave a faint smile. Ice always called him "little brother" though they'd been born but a few hours apart. Ace liked the nickname. It made him feel safe. "Hey, Ice," he said quietly. "You got a moment? I really need to talk with you."

Ice's voice was more serious at once. "Something wrong? You don't sound okay."

It was a relief that Ice read his tones so accurately, so easily. "Yeah. I... I just had a big fight with Teddy."

"Teddy?" Ice sounded a little calmer. "Well, why're you so worried, then? He'll get over it, he always does."

Ace swallowed. "I'm not so sure this time." He had to say it, though he'd have loved to just accept Ice's comforting words and believe them. But this time, it was different. "I... I kissed him."

There was a short pause. Ace could picture Ice's expression. It'd be shocked, then displeased.

"Shit, Ace, why the fuck would you do that? You know he's as straight as they get." Ice's tone betrayed a hint of irritation. It made Ace feel defensive.

"I don't think so," Ace said, feeling a little betrayed that Ice wasn't immediately jumping to support him. "He's just... he's just confused. And I really thought it was the right time. You should've seen him, he's just broken up with Sweetheart..."

"And you jumped right in for the kill?" Ice's voice was a degree less friendly now. "How many times do I have to tell you, Ace, you've got to stop seeing what you want to see. Teddy's not secretly in love with you, this isn't a romance novel and you can't keep treating him like you own him."

Ace was completely quiet. Ice's words hit him harder than Teddy's. He didn't want to say anything in response. He didn't want to acknowledge any of it.

Ice waited a while, then he continued talking, a little more kindly this time, "So tell me what happened. He didn't beat you half to dead, did he?"

"Almost," Ace said quietly. "Gave me a black eye and I think I might have a concussion."

"Then why aren't you at the hospital?"

"It isn't that bad."

"Fuck off. You're going to the hospital to get it checked out." Ice's tone invited no argument and Ace had to give a faint smile. Criticism or not, Ice was worried about him.

"Okay," Ace finally admitted. Then he was serious again. "What... what do you think I should do, Ice?"

"You're asking me?" Ice sounded something between annoyed and amused. "It looks like you've been quite content figuring things out for yourself so far."

"Ice, please." Ace knew he was sounding like a whining brat but he didn't care. "I don't know what to do. Teddy was really upset."

Ice was quiet for a while. "Well, I don't see what's the point in giving you advice since you won't do what I tell you anyway, but I think you should take him to Sweetheart."

Ace wanted to tell Ice no right away, but he knew if he did he'd never get any further opinions. "I can't take him anywhere," he said instead. "He's not here anymore. He walked out."

"Then call Sweetheart," Ice said.

"Call her? What would I say to her?"

"Well, do you know why they broke up? There any chance of fixing it?"

Ace was quiet for a while. He hadn't got much out of Teddy, other than that Sweetheart had run out on him. Lancer had said Teddy had trashed their apartment and scared her off. Reluctantly he had to admit that there was probably a chance of a reconciliation, given that Teddy clearly felt sorry and wanted her back, and she was soft-hearted and would probably accept an apology.

"Maybe," he said, forcing the word out. "But what's the point? They're just going to argue again and eventually she'll realise he's not the right man for her."

"Oh, and you know that, do you?"

"Yeah, I do, actually." Ace hated that Ice didn't agree with him.

"Okay, well, then I guess you have it all figured out, don't you?" Ice sounded irritated. "What do you need me for?"

"Look, I just don't get why you've got to defend her!" Ace was getting upset. "Why's she supposedly the perfect mate for him?"

"I'm not saying she's the perfect mate for him," Ice said coldly. "But isn't that up to Teddy to decide?"

Ace swallowed. "Yeah, but..." He couldn't come up with a smart conclusion.

Ice seemed to know just what to say, however. "So if you really love him, shouldn't you let him make that decision? I'm not telling you to play Cupid for Teddy and Sweetheart. I'm telling you, give them a chance. That's what you owe to Teddy."

Ace closed his eyes. He wanted to argue with his brother, tell him he was wrong. But no matter how hard he tried to come up with a way to explain this all in his favour, he couldn't. His shoulders slumped. "Okay," he said quietly.

"Good." Ice sounded more pleased. "Now, can I leave the rest up to your conscience? I'm gonna be late for my lunch."

Ace wanted to say he still needed Ice, but he knew his twin would just tell him to quit whining. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Thanks."

"No problem," Ice said and then the line went dead. Ace rested his phone hand on the couch and stared at the TV. His fingers turned the phone in his hand absently. What was he going to do? He'd told Lancer last night he hadn't seen Teddy. What was he going to tell Sweetheart now? What if Teddy would tell them later that they'd been together all along? He'd be pissed if he found out Ace had kept Lancer's call from him.

Unless... Ace bit his lip. A thought came to him. Sweetheart was so gullible and she liked him. He could fool her.

Ace picked the number and soon Sweetheart's voice answered. "Ace!" she sounded worried. "Have you heard anything from Teddy? Lancer said you'd look for him."

"Uh..." Ace bit his lip. _Here goes nothing._ "Look, Sweetheart, that's not exactly true. I don't know what Lancer told you, but Teddy's been with me all along."

There was a short silence. "What?"

"Yeah, I mean, last night he called me from the police station, he'd got himself arrested. I brought him to Ice's place. He didn't tell me anything about what happened, except that you guys had broken up."

"Then why didn't you tell Lancer?" Sweetheart sounded confused.

"I did." Ace made sure to sound confused as well. "I told Lancer that I'd keep him here overnight so he'd get to calm down a little. I don't know why he didn't tell you."

Sweetheart was silent for a while. "Okay," she then said. "Well... can I come over? I want to talk to Teddy."

"I... uh, that's why I'm calling." Ace didn't have to pretend to sound worried. "See, I had a fight with Teddy and he just, uh, rushed out. I don't know where he went." He paused. "Listen, are you sure Lancer didn't say anything to you? I mean, I told him that I was going to take care of Teddy and to tell you that you shouldn't worry. I figured Teddy just needed some time to cool off, you know. I'm sorry, Sweetheart, I thought Lancer told you."

There was another pause. "I don't understand, it's not like Lancer." Sweetheart sounded more upset now.

Ace was quiet for a while, counting the seconds in his mind to a moment of silence that seemed like a hesitant pause. "Well... I probably shouldn't tell you this, but... maybe Lancer doesn't really want you to get back together with Teddy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well... no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, Ace, what is it?" Sweetheart sounded quite upset. "You know Lancer at least as well as I do, if you have any idea why he'd do something like that you've got to tell me."

"Okay." Ace congratulated himself. Sweetheart was buying this, hook, line, and sinker. "It just occurred to me that maybe he wanted to keep you to himself. You know he's had some problems with Bright Eyes and you guys have always been close. It's horrible to say, but I can't help but wonder if... if maybe he thought this was his chance. With you."

When Sweetheart was silent again, Ace waited with his heart beating fast. Would she believe him? Certainly, she was closer with Lancer than she was with Ace, but he knew that she had no idea that Lancer was gay. She might have picked up on Lancer's uneasiness about his impending marriage, and of course there was all the evidence... how Lancer was always so attentive toward her, how he hung around her and Teddy as much as possible. Certainly, the conclusion was easy to draw...

"Maybe," Sweetheart finally said quietly. Ace had to withhold his triumphant squeal. "But I don't want to talk about it right now," she went on. "I need to find Teddy. Please, Ace... could you come pick me up so we can look for him together? If what you said about Lancer is true, I don't want to go with him."

Ace smiled. "Sure thing, babe," he said. Yes, this was all perfect. He could play the hero by helping Sweetheart find Teddy, and then Teddy would see that he wasn't trying to mess his relationship with her, and he'd forgive him. It was perfect. "Where are you?"

"At Lancer's." Her voice was even quieter, and Ace could practically hear the thought _Didn't he tell you that, either?_ Oh, this had gone better than he'd ever hoped.

"Okay," he said. "I'll be there soon."

"Thank you, Ace. Bye."

When Ace hung up, he was feeling much better. "Thank you, Ice," he said smugly. "I don't know what I'd do without your advice."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Ace stopped the car near the front door of the manor. He looked up the stairs to the butler who was already coming toward him. The man unnerved Ace, it was like he had driven back in time or something. While Ace would have enjoyed a life of luxury, he was not sure if he could ever get used to having a butler around waiting on his every need.

Before the butler had got to the car, a girl ran past him, throwing the man a brief smile. "That's for me, Mr Holmar, thanks!" Sweetheart waved to Ace. "Hi, Ace, thanks for coming."

Ace smiled and nodded, leaning over to open the door for her. She slipped in and pulled the door closed.

"Sweetheart?"

It was Lancer's voice. Ace looked up toward the door and saw the red-haired boy coming down the stairs past the butler, who was looking very confused now. Lancer's face was worried and there was a slight frown creasing his brow. Seeing him made Ace a little nervous, though he was not sure why. His plan was flawless, perfect--like all his plans. There was nothing to worry about.

Noticing Ace, Lancer's expression turned to surprised. "Oh, Ace. What are you doing here?"

"Teddy ran off on me," Ace said with a natural voice, looking relaxed, knowing Sweetheart could never tell that he was slightly uneasy. "I'm just taking Sweetheart to look for him."

Lancer looked confused. "Oh, you found him?" he asked.

Ace made a good pretense of appearing uncomfortable and glanced at Sweetheart. The girl glanced back and bit her lip. She did not look at Lancer as she corrected the position of the purse in her hands.

"Ace told me Teddy's been with him all night," she said.

"Oh, really?" Lancer looked at Ace, his voice as displeased as his expression.

Ace knew Lancer was about to accuse him of lying; it was best to get his own shot in first. Now was the time to look like he had got enough of this. Ace threw his hand impatiently. "Oh come on, Lancer, quit the charade," he said. "We both know what you did and why you did it, okay?"

Now Lancer's face was blank. "Do we," he said with a hint of ice in his tone.

"Yeah," Ace said, looking at Lancer seriously, waiting for a reprisal, some sharp response, something Ace could argue--but there was nothing. That made Ace feel more uncomfortable than anything Lancer might have actually said. He had to get out of this situation, besides, this wasn't about Lancer anyway, this was about Teddy. Ace looked at Sweetheart. "Put your seat belt on, Sweetheart." He looked at Lancer. "We're going to find Teddy."

"Don't you think I could help?" Lancer asked with an acid voice. It was enough to draw Sweetheart's eye and she looked at him, worried and uncertain. She hated confrontation, hated people disagreeing. She wanted to fix this somehow, but she didn't know how. Looking at Lancer reminded her of everything that supported Ace's hypothesis.

"I don't know," Ace said. "Do you really want to find him?"

"Of course I do!" Now Lancer was angry. He couldn't believe Ace was doing this to him. How he had convinced Sweetheart, Lancer couldn't guess, but he was angry with her as well, for believing Ace without even asking him.

"Oh really?" Ace retorted immediately. He was happy that Lancer was trying to argue. That made much more sense, that was much easier to handle. He had everything thought out, everything ready in his mind. "You hate Teddy, admit it, you two always argue."

"You're so full of shit, Ace," Lancer snapped. "Teddy's the one who hates me, and you know it."

"Why does he hate you? Oh, I'll tell you, Sweetheart, Teddy hates him because he knows Lancer's got feelings for you." Ace looked at Sweetheart, trying to appear serious and concerned. "I'm sorry to have to break it to you like this, but I think this has gone far enough, you need to know. You know how jealous Teddy is, and last night he kept going on and on about how he thought Lancer was trying to steal you away from him. It was all I could do to convince him that it wasn't true. But... if it isn't true, why didn't he tell you that Teddy was with me all night?"

Sweetheart was getting more and more upset. Her eyes darted back and forth between the two boys, anxious to figure out the truth. But Ace's words were compelling, his reasoning so logical. She knew about Teddy's jealousy, she knew he hated it when she spent time alone with Lancer. And now, Lancer had apparently kept the truth about Teddy's whereabouts from her. It made sense.

Lancer stared at Ace with disgust filling his every cell. He had never felt so betrayed in his life. He saw what Ace was doing--and he saw the blond was succeeding.

"You never told me Teddy was with you, Ace." Lancer wasn't sure why he bothered to argue. He knew how it sounded at this point.

Sweetheart shook her head. She didn't want to hear anymore. She didn't want to sort this out now, not when she had to find Teddy. "I can't deal with this right now, I'm sorry. Ace, please, just drive," she said. She fumbled for the seat belt. "Let's just go."

Ace nodded, putting on his best concerned face and reached over to help her with the seat belt. This time, Lancer did nothing but watch. Once he'd got the seat belt on her, Ace started driving. Sweetheart took out a napkin and started to dry her eyes, too upset to say anything. Ace glanced behind him and briefly met Lancer's eyes. Knowing that Sweetheart was too busy wiping her eyes to notice, the blond gave a wicked little smile to Lancer before turning back toward the road and speeding up. He had won. Like he always did.

Lancer shook his head and turned away. Ace's betrayal felt like a knife in between his ribs, somewhere, digging into his guts. He was angry and hurt. He had come to expect being let down by Ace, being tossed aside and used, but this was beyond anything he had ever experienced before. Ace had not only used him, no, this was worse. Lancer had been framed. He went through the call in his mind. How could he have been so blind? Ace had claimed not to have seen Teddy. He had told Lancer not to worry. Ace had been so calm and composed--Lancer had thought it was just the blond's usual suave demeanor. He should have known better.

"Fuck!" Lancer slammed his hand against the door frame, so hard it hurt, but he refused to cry out for the pain.

"Sir..." It was the damn butler. Lancer refused to look at him, knowing that Mr Holmar would see the upset on his face. "Can I help, sir?"

Lancer started to shake his head, then stopped. He started thinking. Teddy had run away from Ace. That could only mean they had had an argument. If Lancer could find Teddy... perhaps it would give him a better position to refute Ace's accusations.

"Yes," he replied to the butler, new decisiveness in his voice. "Fetch my car."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Teddy was not sure of where he was, anymore. He wasn't even sure that he cared. He leaned against the cold railing, his arms wrapped around the steel bar, his eyes fixed to the glistening mass below. It was so fucking cheesy. Like from a novel. Desperate boy all alone on a bridge, ready to take his own life for being such a fucking loser. If it was a story in a book, he was sure he'd be laughing out loud now and tossing the book.

But it wasn't a story, and he wasn't laughing. He wasn't really even crying. He supposed that he _had_ cried, somewhere in between here and Ice's place, because his eyes were hurting and his cheeks felt weird. But tears were spent now, as good as they'd never existed. He'd heard that crying made you feel better, released some shit in your brain or something, but that was total bull. Never happened to him. It only made him feel worse.

"Loser," he muttered to himself, with a depressed voice. "No wonder Sweetheart can't stand you anymore."

He stared at the swirling waves below. He wondered if it would hurt to hit the waves. Drowning was bound to hurt like hell. What would it be like, to black out and never wake up again? What would be his last thought?

He knew what other people would think. Some people would talk some bullshit about it being such a shame for such a young person to choose death. There might even be a candle or two if he was lucky. And then there would be the people who thought he was a coward for it. Couldn't handle life, the loser, so he left, and good riddance, they'd say. There'd be dozens of people sticking their noses into it and pretending to understand.

"Fuckers," Teddy spat. "What the fuck do they think they know."

His father had kept saying most men were scared shitless of death so they had to pretend that it was cowardice to take your own life. Japanese, he'd said, Japanese were real men, they'd kill themselves if they dishonoured their family. His father had sworn he'd kill himself if he ever brought shame on his family. Teddy had dared to ask him why he was still around, then. Of course he'd got a beating.

But he'd never forgotten his father's words. His father had told him about Teddy's grandfather, who had served in the war. It was glorious to die for your country. Courageous to die for other people. And you saw it in the movies, all the time. Heroes would give up their lives to protect their loved ones.

So, wasn't he a total loser, for being unable to die for Sweetheart? Teddy rubbed his eyes so hard it hurt.

"You're such a coward," he told himself. "You can't even do it, can you, you loser?" He bit his lip to keep it from trembling. He hated himself. He was a weak loser. He kept wanting to go back to Sweetheart and convince her to take him back, but he'd only hurt her again, and she'd be too nice to leave him. She'd love him too much. She'd ruin her life with him. He remembered all their fights, all the times he'd made her cry. He just wasn't good for her. He could never make her happy. But at the same time, he knew he'd keep going back to her, because she was the only thing keeping him sane.

Especially now, after what had happened with Ace. Teddy had never felt so betrayed, so alone. Ace had been his best friend since childhood. He couldn't believe he had missed realising what Ace was really doing. Now it all seemed so clear. Ace had been using him all along. Just like his father.

The worst of it was, it meant that his father had been right. Someone like Ace would never want someone like Teddy if it wasn't for an exchange of goods. Something that Ace wanted from him. And he'd been Ace's little whore. Teddy remembered resting his head on Ace's lap, letting him touch him, cuddle him--and then there was last night, they had slept together, on the same bed. How many times had Ace been wanking off in secret, thinking he was fucking Teddy? How long had it been going on?

Teddy felt sick to the stomach. Everything that had ever been between Ace and him was gone. He couldn't think up a single memory that would not have been tainted by the knowledge of Ace's feelings. If they could be called feelings. At that moment, Teddy was convinced that Ace wasn't even capable of feelings. He was too cold, too calculative. Teddy had always thought he was beyond Ace's manipulations. Apparently, he was wrong. He had just seen what he wanted to see.

He stared at the waves below. Was he just seeing what he wanted to see down there, too? Seeing an end where there was none? What happened to you after you died? His mother had believed in God, she'd always said if you sinned, you went to hell. Teddy had adored his mother and loved to listen to her read stories from the Bible, but he'd never been so sure about her teachings about heaven and hell, especially after she had died. He'd spent a while hating God, but he'd always felt guilty about it. His mother would have been sad if she'd known all the things he told God after her death. Later, he'd figured that God just probably wasn't strong enough, so there were times when the devil won. That had seemed logical.

But what was the truth? What would happen to him, if he chose death? Would God still welcome him to heaven? Or would he go to hell? Or were heaven and hell just fiction made up by people who wanted to control other people, like Ace always said?

"What the fuck does Ace know," Teddy muttered bitterly. He dug out a cigarette. He'd bought a pack and a lighter with the few coins he'd found from the jacket pocket, he supposed they were Ice's, but he didn't care. If he jumped into the river with Ice's jacket on, he'd owe him much more than a few coins. He wondered if God kept track of debts here on earth, and made you pay for them up there before you got in heaven. Then he'd definitely never get in.

Then again, what did it matter? He didn't deserve to get to heaven, anyway, and God probably knew that. No, he'd go straight to hell.

Teddy lit the cigarette and drew in a deep breath. He realised only then how much he'd missed the taste of the smoke on his tongue. He imagined how the inhaled smoke lungs turned into black goo in his lungs. Sweetheart had begged him to stop smoking, and he had, for her. But he couldn't keep his promise, and she could tell by the smell on his clothes. That's why he'd started going to the beach in the summertime, just to smoke. He'd take his clothes off and lie on the sand, inhaling the poison he hoped would kill him. Then he'd wash his hair and take a dive and hope she'd never notice. He wasn't sure if he'd fooled her even once. She didn't nag. It wasn't like her to nag. But he could feel her disappointment. He didn't like feeling it, it made him feel bad, and then he'd take it out on her.

He dug his teeth into the cigarette and grabbed a good hold of the railing. Then he climbed up, until he stood on the railing, one arm around a support pillar. The railing was round and slippery from ice. He stared down into the water. He wouldn't have to decide if he was going to do it or not, if he slipped and fell. Maybe that would be best, anyway.

He closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke, then let it out through his nose. He wished it was pot instead that he was smoking. It'd get him high. High enough to think he could fly. That's what cowards did, right? They flew away.

He never noticed a car slowing down and stopping behind him on the driveway. The opening and closing of the car doors went completely past him. He didn't even notice the steps coming closer.

It was the voice that startled him. "Hi, Teddy."

Teddy opened his eyes. He stared in front of him, to the horizon. He didn't want this. Not now, of all the people.

"Go away, Lance."

He supposed he should have known that Lancer wouldn't do that. The boyscout that he was, he'd never just walk away. It was probably genetic, somehow. Lancer's kids would be just like him, and their kids after them. Absently he wondered about Lancer's father. He'd never really met the man but briefly. He just knew the dude didn't like him.

Lancer's steps came closer until he was a figure next to Teddy, leaning on the railing. Teddy glanced at the other boy. Lancer's eye was fixed to the water below and his face serious. That confused Teddy. If Lancer was here to stop him, why wasn't he even looking at him?

"I could do it, you know," Teddy said defiantly."You'd never catch me in time."

Lancer nodded. "Yeah, I know." He looked at Teddy. "But you know, the way I figure it, it's really your decision, isn't it?"

That silenced Teddy completely. "So... you're not even going to try and talk me out of it?"

Lancer shrugged. "Would it work?"

Teddy turned his head away angrily. "No."

"Then why would I bother?"

Teddy stared in front of him with an incredulous expression. Inexplainable, illogical hurt filled him. "So... so, what, you don't care if I do it or not?"

Lancer looked at him with a hint of a smile which Teddy refused to see. He didn't think there was anything to smile about here. "Didn't you just say it wouldn't help even if I tried to stop you? So what does it matter if I care?"

Teddy's face went red and he felt angry. "It doesn't matter," he said, his voice reluctant and morose. "You wouldn't get it anyway."

Lancer shrugged. "Probably not."

Lancer's passiveness started to really irritate Teddy. He glared at the other boy.

"If you're only going to stand there pretending smart, you might as well go. In case you hadn't noticed, I don't really want company right now."

"I think you do," Lancer said. "I think you want someone to stop you."

"Oh, really?" Teddy asked with a dry voice.

"Yeah. Otherwise, you'd have done it as soon as you noticed me."

"Did it occur to you that maybe I don't want to rush this just because you choose to come and disturb me?" Teddy was angry and frustrated. Of all the people, why did it have to be Lancer who happened to the scene? Next to Ace, he was the one person he hated most at that moment. "But I guess you're trying to goad me into doing it, so you can have Sweetheart for yourself. Probably been fucking her all night, haven't you?"

Lancer shook his head. "What do you care?" he asked. "If you're going to kill yourself, what's it to you who she's with?"

Teddy's grip on the support pole tightened and he chewed on his back teeth for a moment in silence. He wished he would have had a clever retort, like Ace always did. But he didn't. All he had was the ugly, unpleasant truth. "You'd deserve her better, anyway," he spat.

"That what she thinks?"

Teddy didn't answer. Sweetheart had told him many times to stop thinking so little of himself. Told him she didn't want anyone else.

After a pause, Lancer sighed. "Look, Teddy... if you're doing this for Sweetheart's sake... Do you really think you killing yourself is going to make her life better, somehow?"

"Yes," Teddy said hotly. "If you must know, yes, it will. With me out of the picture, she can find someone else for herself."

"If she wants someone else than you, don't you think she'd walk away without you having to kill yourself?"

"I'll only go after her if I'm alive," Teddy muttered, shaking his cigarette over the railing, watching the ashes drop and float down to the waves below.

"Why?"

"Because I love her too much, okay?" Teddy snapped. Why was he explaining himself to Lancer, anyway? "Fuck off, Lancer."

"If you love her, then why do you keep pushing her away?"

Teddy stared morosely into the water and put his cigarette back on his lips. Deep inhale, then he got to watch the swirling tentacles of smoke dancing in the breeze. He didn't really want to answer. Why was he pushing her away? He wanted to say he wasn't, but he'd have been lying. He was. He had no idea why.

"I'm not good for her," he said finally, figuring it was the best answer he had.

"Why not?"

Teddy made a noise. "Because I'm a screw-up. I hurt her. What more you need to know?"

But it was not Lancer who gave him the answer. The voice was soft and feminine, and he would have recognised it from among a thousand voices. It was _her_.

"You only hurt me when you push me away."

Slowly, Teddy turned his head. He saw them standing, few paces back. He hardly even registered Ace at first. All he could see was the girl, her dark pink curls surrounding her worried, strained face. He could tell she had recently cried by the redness around her eyes. She had her favourite purse in her hands, her clothes were the same he had seen on her last night.

In front of those bright pink eyes, he felt stupid standing on that railing. He had no idea what he wanted to say, nor what he could say. What did she want him to say?

"I'm sorry." The words sounded old and worn on his lips. She had heard them so many times. Just like he had heard them from his father, so many times. Over and over again, until he had been unable to believe them. When would she lose faith in those words? Had she already?

Quietly, Lancer moved away from the railing and to Ace, but Teddy did not see it. He had eyes only for the girl that was walking closer to him, until she was where Lancer had been standing. Closer, she stepped so close that she could lay her hand on his foot, he could feel her delicate fingers wrapping around his ankle. With terror he thought if he slipped now, he might accidentally pull her with him. Maybe that's how she had figured it. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning against the support pole.

"Why do you waste your time on me, Sweetheart?" he asked quietly.

She was quiet for a while. He could feel her eyes on him though he couldn't see it. He felt something hot behind his closed eyelids and knew they were tears. Salty and bitter, like everything inside him.

"Because I can see who you really are, Teddy." Her voice was soft, so kind it made his stomach turn inside and out. He didn't deserve this kindness. Her words made no sense to him.

"No, you see what you want to see," he said. "You want a Romeo you think I've got inside me, but there's nothing there, Sweetheart, no Romeo to find. There's just..."

"Pain," she finished his sentence, and before he could argue, he knew just how right she was. He bit his lip, not wanting to say anything for the fear that his voice would crack. "And you're wrong, Teddy. I don't want a Romeo. I just want your heart, in exchange for mine."

"What if I don't have a heart to give?" Teddy asked with a quiet voice. "I'm not what you want me to be, Sweetheart. I hurt you and I've got a ton of bad habits I can't get rid of." He shook his cigarette meaningfully in his hand and opened his eyes. No tears fell. He swallowed, staring down into the waves below. "I'm not the guy for you."

"Then why are you ready to do the ultimate sacrifice for me?" she asked. He looked at her with surprise on his face. She smiled. "Take your own life to save me, of course. Don't think I don't get what you're doing, Teddy. I know you, remember? You're a fighter. You've gone through so much, you've never given up. I don't believe for a second that you'd be giving up now. No, I think you're still fighting. Because you think that this way, you can save me."

To be honest, Teddy had never thought she would understand. He had never thought she would figure it out. No one ever understood. No one ever figured it out. He couldn't look at her.

"And I guess you're going to say it's stupid," he said quietly.

She shook her head, he could see it from the corner of his eye. "No," she said. "I can see why you'd think so. You think you're going to be like your father, and kill me, one way or the other, eventually. That's why you're pushing me away, too. You're afraid you're going to hurt me so you're trying to make sure you won't have the chance."

She was being too clever for Teddy's comfort. Her words were hitting hard and hitting home. But he didn't have any anger left inside to throw at her, to shield himself from this conversation. He just felt spent, tired.

"Then why won't you go?" he asked.

"Because I haven't given up on you, Teddy," she said softly. He could feel her fingers tighter around his ankle. "And I never will. Because I can see the heart inside you, even when you can't. And I want to help you through this. I want to be there for you. If you just let me."

He had to wipe his face to one sleeve to keep the tears from falling. He was pretty sure he was shaking. "You're not strong enough, Sweetheart," he said with a broken voice. "I can't let you do that."

But then, he felt her moving, and before he knew it, she was climbing up, on top of the railing, her other hand holding tight to the same support pole he was, her other hand gripping his arm. His breath caught in his throat when he realised she was standing with him, her warm body against him.

"Sweetheart," he asked with a hoarse voice, fear washing through him. "What are you doing?"

Her head pressed against his and he could feel the familiar scent, it was her shampoo. The same smell he fell asleep with every night. "I'm standing by you," she whispered in his ear. "Like I always have."

He let out a noise that was meant as a laugh but came out as a bark. "You jump, I jump, that it?" he asked bitterly. "You've seen Titanic too many times."

"I jumped a long time ago," she said. "And together, we can learn to fly." Her hand moved from his arm to his hand, to his closed fist. "I'm stronger than you think. Please, Teddy... come home."

Teddy swallowed. She was so close, and it frightened him to think how precarious her footing must have been on the railing. He closed his eyes. He remembered all the times she had held him in her arms when he had cried. All the times she had helped him to see through the night to the next morning, all the times she had patiently nursed the wounds inside him. All the comfort he got from just being near her, knowing that she would always understand.

He sighed and leaned his head back, to rest it against hers. His fist opened and took hold of her hand. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart," he said quietly. "I'm sorry for shutting you out. I'm..."

"Ssh," she whispered. "Just come home."

Finally, he nodded. Slowly, she started stepping down, and he took care not to even flinch while she was climbing down. He opened his eyes and looked down into the water. As she got down and let go of him, for a moment he knew that he had his chance. He could have simply let go and leaned forward. It would have been over.

"Teddy," her voice was gentle, "take my hand."

That voice was his beacon. He lifted his hand and threw the cigarette down, watching it fall until it disappeared into the waves. There must have been something symbolic about that, but he was too tired to figure it out. With a weary smile, he turned and found her hand, reaching. Their fingers met and wound together, like he knew their lives had done a long time ago.

"I'm still not a Romeo, Sweetheart," Teddy said quietly.

She smiled as he stepped down and turned to face her. "You don't need to be," she said softly and wrapped her ams around him. He let his arms wind around her waist and buried his face against her shoulder. There, safe from all eyes, he cried.

And she held him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Something ugly squirmed at the pit of Ace's stomach as he watched Sweetheart talk Teddy down from the railing. He knew, bitterly, that he would have never been able to get him down, and not just because of what had happened between them in Ice's condo. He was good at lying to himself about many things, but he couldn't lie about what he saw and felt as he stood there. What brought Teddy down was not so much what she had said, at least, the words alone would have not done the trick. Something beyond words had been needed, something he could not offer to Teddy, because that something came from within Teddy himself. It was love. Love for Sweetheart, the kind of love Ace could not understand nor be the object of. He was not sure of what it was between Sweetheart and Teddy, but for the first time he was forced to admit that it was stronger than his own bond with Teddy. There could not have been a truth more bitter to admit.

The thought bugged Ace. He could not accept it. Teddy was his. And now that he had brought Sweetheart here, Teddy would accept his apology, he would listen. Ace was certain of it.

Teddy lifted his head from Sweetheart's shoulder and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his jacket. Sweetheart planted a gentle kiss on his jaw and then looked up into his face, stroking his arms.

"Come on, Teddy," she said softly, sliding her hands along his arm, closing them around his hand. "Let's go home."

Teddy looked at her and smiled a little. He nodded and took a hold of her hand, squeezed a little, then started to walk. It looked like the both of them had forgotten that both Ace and Lancer were standing close by, with their cars parked to the sidewalk. Sweetheart leaned a little against Teddy, resting her cheek on his shoulder. They would have a lot to talk about, but she was confident they were going to make it.

Ace could not believe they were going to just walk away. He had unfinished business with Teddy! He started toward the couple, but suddenly there was an iron grip on his arm. Turning around, Ace saw Lancer's frowning face.

"Don't you think you've done enough damage?" Lancer asked.

Ace stared at him. He wanted to snap at Lancer and tell him to mind his own business. But something in the other boy's tone and expression stopped him. He had never seen that look. Sure, Lancer had been annoyed with him before, impatient, even angry--but this was something else. A quiet, disappointed look. It made Ace uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on, Lancer," he said and pulled his arm a little to release it from Lancer's grip. The slender fingers did not loosen, however, and Ace was surprised to find the other boy's hold becoming a little painful.

Lancer stared hard at Ace. "Why did you lie to her about me?"

Ace shrugged. He figured it was best to get this conversation over with. Lancer seemed more upset than usual. "Because she would have told Teddy, and I would have lost Teddy."

Lancer stared at him. He had known Ace's answer already before he asked, but it still stung. "So you'd really rather lose me than Teddy?"

Ace laughed. "Oh come on, I knew you'd forgive me," he said pleasantly and took a hold of Lancer's arm, giving one of his most charming smiles. He was certain Lancer could not resist it. He had never resisted before.

But this time, Lancer's pose did not soften and his eyes remained quiet and dark. "Did you?"

Ace had to admit that the tone unnerved him. But he never let his confidence drop. "Yeah," he said with a smile. "You always do."

Lancer was quiet for a long time. So long that for a moment, Ace thought it was working. That soon Lancer would give a defeated smile and give in to his feelings. After all, Lancer loved him. Ace was counting on that love.

But when Lancer spoke, his face was as serious as his voice. "Not this time."

This seemed to be more difficult than usual. "Come on," Ace said softly and moved closer, "you're not really angry with me..."

Lancer sighed. "No, I'm not. I'm just disappointed."

Ace smiled and let his other hand travel up along Lancer's arm toward his neck. Lancer loved getting his neck touched. Ace was certain he would cave. "Aww come on, let me make it up to you. Let's go to my brother's place for some sex and sandwiches. My treat."

Lancer shook his head and pushed Ace's hand away from his neck. The movement was almost impatient, like he was chasing off an obstinate child. "Thanks, but I think I've had enough of your treats."

Ace's smile dropped away. "You're not serious."

"It's not going to happen, Ace. Not this time."

"Alright, alright." Ace was getting nervous. "You want me to say I'm sorry?"

"No," Lancer snapped. "Because I know it'd only be another lie, and I've heard enough lies from you."

That silenced Ace completely. He had known all along that he had been lying, and if not lying, manipulating the truth. He knew all that. But somehow, it had not felt so bad when it had been just a thought in his mind, easily dismissed and quickly forgotten. Spoken out loud, it felt much more real. Much harder to dismiss.

Lancer stared at Ace for a while. Here was his chance, chance to say whatever he wanted to say. Chance to tell Ace what a jerk he was. Maybe get the satisfaction of hearing Ace plead a little. Ace was good at fixing things. He would try to fix this with Lancer and promise him whatever he wanted in return for forgiveness.

But... the more Lancer thought about it, tasted the bitter words on his tongue and felt the sadness and hurt inside him, the more he realised that it would not matter. Nothing Ace could say would fix it, nothing Ace could promise would change it, because he knew it would happen again. It always happened again. Lancer had always wanted to believe Ace when the blond had assured him that these things were isolated incidences and he should not let them affect their friendship. Lancer had always forgiven him for the hope that one day, Ace would stop letting him down.

He was a fool. Ace would never change if people kept letting him get away with it.

"Not this time, Ace," Lancer said with a low voice, his blue eyes fixed intently on Ace's face. "Everyone always forgives you, I've always forgiven you, but you know what? Not this time."

Ace's expression faltered a little. He frowned and tried to find hesitation from Lancer's face. Some signal that would indicate that the other boy just wanted him to try harder to appease him.

"What.. what do you mean?" the blond asked, for the first time feeling a sliver of uncertainty about Lancer. He had always thought he had Lancer all figured out, that the other boy was completely in his grip, easily manipulated. This was something he had not expected.

Lancer stared at Ace for a while. It gave him no pleasure to see Ace's confusion and nervousness. He did not want Ace grovelling. There were no words he wanted to hear. Lancer was, simply put, through with playing. Someone had to set Ace straight.

He did not even feel like saying anything more. He let go of Ace's arm and started to walk toward his car. This conversation was over. If Ace insisted on trying to catch Sweetheart and Teddy and stir things up when the couple clearly needed some space, that was up to Ace. He chose not to care.

Ace was shocked that Lancer was just turning away, without explanation. Thoughts of Teddy and Sweetheart were far from his mind. It had never occurred to him that he might _lose_ Lancer. It was as ridiculous as thinking that the sky might fall.

"Wait, Lancer, wait!" Ace tried to grab a hold of Lancer's arm, but the other boy ducked and slapped his hand away. "Wait, let me explain!"

Lancer shook his head. He could not believe he had ever fallen for Ace's lies. He did not stop or even slow down, and soon he was in his car. Ace was there, grabbing the door, refusing to let him close it.

"Wait, damn it!" Ace stared hard at Lancer. "Come on, let me explain. You know I would've fixed it. I always do."

"Look, Ace," Lancer said quietly, not even looking at Ace. He did not want to see the expression in those green eyes. He was not sure if he was strong enough. "You can't keep treating people like this. You can't keep using them. If you ever figure that out... you're welcome to give me a call."

"A call? Wait... what do you mean?" Ace felt like he could not understand anything anymore. That his brain was stuck. It was a new experience, and it made him uneasy--and it also made him a little annoyed. "You mean... you don't want to see me anymore? Because of this? Come on, Lancer, that's stupid, you know I would've fixed it. Look, I'll explain everything to Sweetheart, I'll fix it."

Lancer shook his head, sighing. Suddenly, he felt very tired. Ace would not understand. Not unless he was explained. He glanced at Ace--and there were the green eyes, staring at him with an imploring expression. Those damn green eyes that haunted him every lonely night. He could not just turn away like this, without explanation.

"You know, Ace..." Lancer said quietly, "you always keep pushing and pushing people around you, until one of these days, you'll find you've pushed too hard and you've got no one left."

Ace was confused at first, then irritation started to swell inside him. This was wrong behaviour for Lancer, Ace was not used to it and he did not like it.

"I'm not pushing anyone," he said irritably.

"Oh, that's right, you just manipulate them," Lancer said sharply, sarcastically. "That's totally different." He got up from the car and grabbed Ace's arm again. "Look, Ace, you've got to start thinking more about other people and less about yourself. You keep at it like this, and you're going to grow old a very lonely person."

Ace stared at him from under his brows. He did not like what Lancer was saying, not in the least. He pulled his arm a little, but Lancer's grip held. That irritated him even more.

"Mind your own business, Lance," Ace snapped. "Let go."

"Not until you've heard what I have to say," Lancer said harshly. Ace had never heard that tone. He wondered if _anyone_ had ever heard that tone. It did not suit the idea of Lancer in his mind. "You know what your worst problem is? You have these ideas of people and how they're supposed to be, and you can't accept the fact that sometimes, you're just _wrong_. Like with Teddy. You just can't accept the fact that he loves Sweetheart and not you."

"Shut up!" Ace snapped. He had heard enough of this. Lancer had no right to assume anything about him, or about Teddy. "You don't know Teddy like I do."

"Probably not," Lancer said sensibly. "But at least I'm letting him make his own decisions."

"And I'm not?" Ace was getting really angry.

"No, you're not. The first chance you get, you try to sabotage his relationship with Sweetheart."

"She's the one who dumped him! I'm sorry, but I don't think I have any obligation to play Cupid when she's walked out on him."

"I told you she wanted to find him!" Lancer was getting a little agitated himself. "If you had any respect for Teddy, you would have given him the message!"

Ace shook his head stubbornly. "He wasn't ready."

"_You_ weren't ready!" Lancer's eyes were cold and hard. "You're a jerk, Ace," he went on. "You think you're not, but you are."

Ace was thoroughly offended. "Well, if you think so, then why don't you just stop being my friend?"

For a while, Lancer was silent. Ace was actually expecting him to say that he would do just that. At that moment, he was too upset to care.

"Because I care about you," Lancer then said. "And because I think you can change."

Ace shook his head. He could not believe Lancer's conceit--that he would presume to pass judgement on Ace. No one had the authority to do that. No one, except maybe his brother. "There's nothing to change," Ace said angrily.

"You're not just hurting other people, you know," Lancer said, desperate to make Ace see his point. "You're hurting yourself, too."

"Save it, Lancer!" Ace wanted to hear no more of this. He twisted and pulled, using his greater strength to pull his arm free of Lancer's grip. He was through with this conversation, through with Lancer. He turned and started to walk toward his car.

Lancer let his arms fall to his sides. Blue eyes watched as the blond hopped in his car and slammed the door shut. There was not the usual look over the shoulder, not the usual smug grin. Ace's face was angry and as soon as he had put his seat belt on, he started up the car and drove off. No farewell, nothing. And Lancer was left standing on the sidewalk, alone and disappointed, feeling like somehow, Ace had turned this all around again. As if it was Lancer who had caused the argument, who had done the hurting.

He supposed that he should have known to expect it. He should have known that Ace was not going to listen to reason. He wondered if he should have been angry instead of understanding. If he should have simply turned his back on Ace like he knew everyone were eventually bound to do. Would that have shaken Ace?

He did not think so. Ace had a habit of dropping people when they started to get too much work. The blond liked things easy and entertaining. He had thought that winning Lancer back would have been just that--easy and entertaining. A little argument, a few harsh words, but nothing a few kisses would not fix. Lancer closed his eyes and sighed, his shoulders slumping. Why was he wasting his time with Ace? Why could he not simply stop caring?

In his car, Ace was wiping his eyes with one hand, refusing to admit that he was crying. Being reduced to tears by Teddy was bad enough, but to cry over Lancer? That was just beyond stupid. He wanted absolutely nothing more to do with Lancer, for that matter.

"Fuck Lancer," Ace muttered from between his teeth. He stared at the road ahead in grim silence for a while. He wanted desperately something else to think about. Something fun to do. He needed a break. He had deserved a break, after getting Sweetheart and Teddy back together. Fuck Lancer. Ace had other friends.

After a while, his hand found the cell phone and he picked a number. He tapped his fingers against the wheel while listening to the dial tone. Finally, a female voice answered. The familiar smug smile spread on Ace's lips.

"Hello, Starlight."

Ace would always land on his feet.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Teddy was dozing off on the couch when the doorbell rang. Lazily he opened his eyes and yawned. Then he stretched his arms, shook his head and leaned back against the armrest.

_He can wait._ He knew who was at the door. Ace had called a few minutes ago, asking if he could come over. Teddy had said it was okay, but now he wasn't so sure. It'd be Christmas tomorrow. They hadn't really seen each other since the incident. Teddy didn't really know what else to call it but an "incident". The whole affair had been nothing but one big incident.

After three minutes or so, he figured Ace would soon call again if he didn't open the door, so he got up and started walking. He made no effort at hurrying, imagining in his mind the sight of Ace fumbling for the cell and his number, just before...

Teddy yanked the door open. "Hello, Ace." He gave the blond a good once-over. One hand in the jacket pocket, undoubtedly reaching for the cell, the other brushing through the well-combed hair, a nervous look.

Ace pulled his hands down and shifted his position a little. "Hi." His voice was lower than normal. Teddy could not remember when he had last seen Ace so unravelled. Usually there was an easy smile on the blond's face, a happy greeting, a hug if Teddy looked like he might handle it. Not this time. Teddy might have taken pleasure from seeing Ace like this, but he wasn't angry anymore. Maybe he had never been angry.

"Well," Teddy said. "Guess you better come in." He turned and went toward the living room. He heard the door close behind him and knew Ace was inside. That meant they were alone. Teddy didn't want to show how nervous that made him feel. "You want anything? Soda? Juice?"

"No, thanks." Ace followed him into the living room. Teddy walked to the couch and sat down, but Ace remained standing close by. Then there was a silence. It grew quickly into a storm of unspoken words they both knew hung between them. Soon Teddy could hardly hear his own heartbeats from the loudness of their thoughts. Needing something to occupy his hands with, Teddy grabbed the remote and turned it round in his hands, focusing on it like the survival of the world depended upon it.

It wasn't as though there was nothing Teddy wanted to say. They had been friends for as long as he could remember. There _had_ to be something he wanted to say. Maybe the problem was, there was too much to say. And too much he didn't want to hear.

"Look, I..." Of course it was Ace who spoke first. It was always Ace. First. First in everything. Teddy's jaws shifted, teeth grit. The thought had never felt so bitter.

"You're sorry?" Teddy suggested. He looked at Ace and there was a hardness Ace well recognised. He had seen it before. Every time Teddy tried to push him away. Only this time, Ace had to let him. No smile would make it better, no joke would break the wall.

Ace nodded. "Look... I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah." Teddy turned his eyes back on the remote. "And you would've told me Sweetheart wanted to talk with me if Lancer had told you, yeah?"

Now the familiar smile broke out on Ace's lips and the blond sat down next to him. Not too close, Teddy noticed. Not as close as usually. "Yeah," Ace responded. "And what happened between us, you know, it was stupid, I can explain. If you're ready to listen."

Teddy was quiet for a while. He considered it. Did he want to hear Ace's explanation? He had to admit he missed Ace. Even though Sweetheart made him complete in ways Ace could never understand, Ace was still his best friend. "Sure."

Ace started quickly. "Okay, look, that kiss, I know it was stupid. I really do. And it didn't mean anything. I mean, not like you think. I guess I just thought you needed it, you know?" Teddy's incredulous expression was enough to tell Ace he was in danger of being thoroughly misunderstood. Ace was quick to go on. "I mean, I thought you'd need some closeness, comfort. More than just a pat on the back between pals. I don't know if you can understand this, since you obviously don't look at men like I do, but the world isn't... isn't gay or straight for me. I like girls. But I also like guys. And physical closeness, it's just not the same for me as it is for you. For me, it's just another kind of affection, it doesn't have to mean anything. I guess I just forgot for a moment that you don't see it like I do."

Teddy was silent for a while, just staring at Ace. Staring at those perfect features, honest expression. He knew at that moment just why Ace had always got picked to the part whenever a school play required a male angel. Ace had a natural look of innocence about him. It was hard not to believe him.

"I guess that was your elaborate way of saying that you weren't trying to seduce me or use me?" Teddy asked. "You know you use too many words."

Ace gave a smile. "I guess. I was just trying to explain why I did it. I like you, Teddy, and of course I think you're attractive, but I don't want you thinking I wank off with your picture in the bathroom."

Teddy had to give a laugh, then a grimace. "Thanks for that image." He glanced at Ace, more serious. "Sweetheart told me you said Lancer never told you she wanted to find me."

Ace shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "Well, I don't know. Lance and I talked on the phone," he said. "I wouldn't want you to think Lancer was trying to take advantage of the situation."

"Hmm." It was a noncommittal sound. Teddy looked away again. "Sweetheart and I talked about it," he then said. "We both agreed that it was weird that Lancer didn't tell her about the phone call." Teddy paused. When he turned his eyes on Ace, his expression was sharper. "Then Sweetheart came to think how odd it was that you never called her."

Teddy examined Ace's face closely as the blond processed his words. He could not see signs of guilt or alarm. But he knew Ace too well. The pause, the silence that dragged on for a second, two, three, and finally for a full half a minute, it was a confession.

"I..." But Ace closed his mouth again. Teddy put the remote on the table. He was feeling more confident about what he was doing now. It broke his heart, but he knew what he had to do.

"So we talked with Lancer," Teddy said, shrugging. "He gave us his version. And you know, the funny thing is... though I really wanted to believe you and not him, I couldn't stop thinking about everything you said when we were over at Ice's. And I realised something. You kept trying to make me think I didn't really want to be with Sweetheart."

"No," Ace said. "No, listen, Teddy, I was just worried about you. I figured you and Sweetheart needed some time to calm down before you talked it over, you were such a mess that night, remember?"

Teddy shook his head. "We're past that, Ace," he said quietly. "We're past you explaining shit to me and making it all right. Do you get that I almost killed myself, and it's your fault."

"What? No!" Ace looked upset now.

"Yeah, because if you'd been honest with me, I'd have talked things out Sweetheart. I'd never have got so desperate, I'd never have got so close to..." Teddy swallowed. He stared at Ace, his eyes hard. "You lied to me, Ace. And when things went wrong, you tried to blame it all on Lancer--no, don't say anything. Don't give me any more bullshit, Ace." Teddy was pleased when Ace closed his mouth again. He stared hard at the blond. "I'm jealous to Lancer and you know that, you've been playing that card all along. You wanted me to believe Sweetheart was screwing me over with him, because you were hoping I'd turn to you for comfort. And you might've got away with it. You almost did." Teddy swallowed. "I can't trust you anymore, Ace," he said, his throat dry and hoarse with emotion.

It was obvious from Ace's face that he didn't know what to say. Teddy waited. Some part of him wished there would have been a simple explanation Ace could have offered. Something to make it all go away. But this time, Teddy knew he couldn't believe any explanation Ace gave him. There was an invisible line, somewhere in between trust and suspicion, and this time, Ace had passed over it.

"I'm sorry," Ace finally said. His voice trembled a little. Teddy had never heard that note before. Then Ace straightened his back. "I'm sorry you think so. I'm sorry you believe Lancer rather than me."

Teddy shook his head and then hung it down, burying his face on his palms. He wondered where all his anger had gone. Shouldn't he have punched Ace by now? Shouldn't he have thrown him out the door and shouted? Why was he feeling so tired? Nothing but tired and disappointed.

"Okay well, since you don't want to hear what I have to say..." Ace sounded hurt. That, finally, made Teddy angry. What right did Ace have to be hurt? He was the one who had done wrong, not Teddy.

"Yeah, you know what, I really _don't_ want to hear what you have to say!" Teddy snapped. His fist went up. He almost hit Ace that time, and the blond saw it. "I really don't! You know why? Because you never hear what _I_ have to say! Just... just go, Ace." He felt tired again. He lowered his fist and sighed. "Just go."

For a while, Teddy thought Ace was going to continue arguing. But this time, it seemed the blond realised he was out of words. Ace swallowed and got on his feet.

"Okay," he said quietly. Then the blond turned and started walking. Before he had reached the door, however, he paused. "Oh, yeah." Ace stuck his hand in the bag he'd carried on his shoulder. He dug out something. From where he stood, Teddy couldn't see what it was. He was getting impatient, but then Ace turned. There was a parcel in his hands, wrapped in shiny gift wrap. Teddy swallowed. He recognised a Christmas gift when he saw one. "I got this for you," Ace said. The blond stared at the parcel for a moment, then he put it on a nearby table. "Well... merry Christmas, Teddy."

While Teddy stared at the gift, Ace slipped out the door. Teddy heard the door closing. The steps faded in the hallway and he knew the blond was gone. The gift remained. For a long time, Teddy debated what to do with it. He could always give it to Starlight, to take back to Ace. How would Ace interpret it? Why had the blond left the gift here in the first place? Was it peace offering? Or was it a stab?

Teddy got on his feet and walked to the table. He picked the parcel up and turned the box in his hands. It wasn't very heavy, smaller than a shoebox. He could not figure out its contents. After a moment's hesitation, he tore off the wrap. Inside, he saw a brand new cell phone, still in the box. There was a note on top of the box. Teddy stared at it for a while. The note said, _So that we won't lose track of you again._

All Teddy could think about was, _Fuck_.


End file.
